Mask OFF

I am going to make this the most honest piece I have ever posted publicly. Not in an attempt to get attention or to get steem. This is not a call for help, merely an openness to a community I feel needs a bit more genuine.

I struggle everyday. Let me say that again for emphasis.
I STRUGGLE EVERYDAY!

I struggle with my own self image. I doubt whether I have the skills I need In order to recreate the world in my vision . I fight through my own depression in order to push my team to greatness or like Icarus become burned by the sun.
My depression sometimes feel as if I carry the weight of an elephant on my back. I thought I could beat this with shear force but at times it is stringer than I. I wake up early as a reflex even if I had a sleepless night. My body feels heavy and burdened just to role out of bed.
I don't see myself as greater than anybody and most days I question whether I am the only 1 going through this.

This is why I choose to write this. I know statistically I am not alone. But it isn't sexy to talk about crippling depression. What makes it worse is I have so many people that depend on me and even look to me as their rock.

I am a fledgling cereal entrepreneur. This year alone I am working on growing 2 businesses while working full time as an IT.

Most people see and idealize the life of an entrepreneur because they are only shown the end results. This creates a false narrative as if the entrepreneur can do no wrong and is naturally successful.

This is complete BULLSHIT.

The reality is that being an entrepreneur means that it is your job to keep your business alive. Everyday there is a threat that can take me out of business. I have to figure out a plan with my team in which I am by far the least qualified.
That is the role of the owner. I am not the owner because I am the smartest I am the owner because I have the will to take a chance and stick with it UNTIL.

The reality is this puts an emotional and physical drain on me almost on an hourly basis. Like calendar alerts reminding me not to be crushed or to give up. This means that I doubt myself nearly everyday. Human nature is so that we always lean to the negative. It's the easiest choice but a choice none the less. most days I choose the ladder. I choose to push through and ignore my inner voice because I believe in my vision and I WILL make it come to lite.

Coal under pressure = diamonds.