This is Not the End
The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind, I haven't had time to truly process my dad's loss...blech, phrases like that one irritate me, let me try again...
It's not quite real to me that my dad is actually gone. Everyone keeps saying things like 'closure' and 'went peacefully' and 'in a better place', and all I can think is just a moment ago he was calling me 'easy teasy' (his way of picking on me for falling for one of his many ways to rib me) or asking me what my steemit account was worth that day, which was his new favorite question.
Death is such a strange thing. It's inevitable, yet we always seem to be caught unaware by it, even in cases like my dad with his many health and physical issues. I suppose it's just that we're never ready to lose someone we love, no matter how 'prepared' we try to be. Something about them being gone from this world, never to be heard from again while we're here...it feels unnatural.
Maybe because it is. I do believe that this physical realm is temporary, that we're only visiting. And I think where ever it is we really come from does not have constructs such as time or death.
I wrote the above last night when I decided to go back to my house for a bit. My extended family left this morning, and right now my brother is with mom taking care of some things. While he's still here, I'm taking the time to do what I haven't been able to. Grieve, then let go, so I can be strong for the woman who just lost the man she's been with for fifty years. Help her learn to live without him, remind her, and myself, that he wouldn't want us to remain in a state of mourning, he would want us to celebrate the life he had and live our own lives to the fullest. With joy, and love, humor and adventure.
I'm saying goodbye. But I know
This is not the end.
A song my brother originally wrote for a dear friend shortly after she passed from her long battle with Cystic Fibrosis. When he was trying to decide which songs to play at dad's funeral he realized that many of the lyrics fit him as well.
"Missing You"
"And I know,
you're suffering's done.
And I know,
that time goes on.
And I know,
I must too.
Although,
I'm missing you."
Generously created for me by @son-of-satire
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(( HUGS ))
Thanks for sharing with us again. You are strong and will get through this, even though your world will never quite be the same again.
Thank you Linda. I felt the hug ;) As I said, it's been a whirlwind, but the rest of the extended family left this morning so it's time to get back to life.
It is most definitely not the end!
The worst thing about death for me is the sudden absence which is deafening in its absoluteness. It seems so hard to grasp that absence no matter how many times it happens. It's like trying to grab an elephants bum in a dark room whilst wearing a blindfold.
You are doing the most amazing thing you can, which is remaining positive and celebrating the joy of his life and what he bought to yours.
Forgive my rambling, I try not to say too much at these times because I drivel on a bit. :0)
Are you kidding? I love your rambling. And what a profound analogy (LOLOL) You know the first laugh I've had all week that wasn't touched by sadness was after reading your post yesterday.
It’s true, what you’ve said: we’re never ready to lose someone we love. How can we be?
I hope you’re able to harness that feeling into living as intensely, and feeling as much, as possible. To me, that’s always been the gift of grief: the reminder that life is temporary and we have to live it as fully as possible.
Sending lots of light your way!
Thank you, I'll take all the light that can be given right now:)
This is so true. No matter how prepared we think we are, we find out we're never ready. I pray you get all the strength needed to get through this phase and come out stronger.
Thank you love. It's good to hear from you, how have you been?
Like Linda said, you are strong. And so is your mom. The love within your family will help you all get through it. Give yourself permission to ask for what you need, so you can then be there for them. xx
xo
All I know how to write right now is that I'm here and near for you (there's a bunch of us!) to offer support and warmth for you. Thanks for letting us know how you are. My love to you and the family.
Anything you say is a comfort Paul, just knowing you're there thinking of me, caring, is enough. Love you right back.
I think "bye for now" is quite appropriate. I never know the right thing to say during these situations. Maybe because I feel so many emotions and I empathize with people who feels so many emotions, that words just elude me. Like I said multiple times now, and a sentiment we share, this is only the beginning. It might not be in this physical plane, but your dad is kicking ass and taking names in a whole new different plane. Think of it as him blazing a path for all of you when you get there several decades from now. Your dad really seems like a great guy, I mean he should be, right? Considering he raised wonderful children.
I remember that song from Ed, and it's what I think about when I get lonely sometimes. The tightest of hugs from your other bro in SoKo(r)!!
I was doing pretty good today, then I had to go and bump into my dad's best friend and his daughter who was my sister's best friend, and of course they asked me how I was and the daughter was instantly tearing up and I barely held myself together as I escaped to my car. And I still feel like I haven't processed it fully, every time I start to think about it too much I break down and then put a kabosh on my thoughts. The death of one of the main characters in your own life story is brutal, even having gone through it a couple times already. Maybe also because it's been a number of years since the last particularly harsh exit.
I'll take that hug. My cousin (Brad) spoke at the funeral about one of his fondest memories, how my dad used to take him, me, and my other cousin Heather in a bear hug squeezing the breath out of us. Literally. We loved it.
I don't know your dad personally, and even I'm tearing up a bit as I read that story. He will live on as long as the memories live on. It will always hurt, but take solace in the moments you have shared. If it was an inevitability, at least when your father and sister passed they were spread far apart. I think it would've stung even more if it happened so closely together.
Much love. Sometimes, there are simply no words. ❤️
Thank you :)
Bro, thank you for sharing. Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are on the right track!
I appreciate it (though I'm a 'sis' not a bro lol) I hope so :)
Haha well, 'sis' you're doing it!
So sorry for your loss, it is always hard to lose a parent. Positive thoughts sent your way!
Thanks, I'll take all the positive I can get :)