The Chocolate Easter Bunny Layer
source: Pixabay
Every year, @raluca is going to visit her close family for Easter. They gather around, eat a delicious meal and update each other on whatever last year brought in their lives. That’s what Easter is about, after all, family and sharing.
Also, each year, she brings back an assortment of Easter specific food: some “pasca”, a beef salad (without beef), and sometimes “cozoonac”. On top of that, there’s also a chocolate Easter bunny. The kind made of 95% sugar and 5% chocolate, pre-packaged in a transparent plastic bag and looking downright spooky.
For years, we observed that the majority of the food was vanishing in a couple of days, The only item lingering around, sometimes for weeks, was the chocolate Easter bunny. Well, if I really think about it, it’s more than just “weeks”. Probably months. Wait, I clearly remember one of these chocolate Easter bunnies lasted more than a year.
We barely eat those. They’re more like emergency food, but even so, we’re more likely to give them away to guests or friends than to eat them ourselves.
And yet, we still get one of those every Easter.
The Chocolate Easter Bunny Layer
As I was looking at the latest chocolate Easter bunny resting on a shelve in our kitchen, I suddenly realized this is not an isolated glitch. The “chocolate Easter bunny” is a very common situation in our relationships. And I’m not talking about couple relationships, I’m talking about relationships in general.
They are the symbol of “I-don’t-want-to-upset-this-person-so-I’m-going-to-silently-accept-his-crap-for- a-while” kind of situations.
They are the symptom of an inability to adapt, for both sides. The giving side is unable to adapt to the expectations of the receiver (who doesn’t give an actual fuck about the “chocolate Easter bunny”) and the receiving side is unable to adapt to the expectations of the giver (who is not used to getting rejected).
And so the “chocolate Easter bunny layer” is born.
It’s an ubiquitous layer, surrounding the vast majority of our relationships, sometimes cushioning them to the point of rendering the whole thing dull, sometimes barely keeping them from dismantling entirely.
It’s a layer of benign misunderstanding and silent concessions. A layer of pretending we’re good for the sake of keeping the status quo. A layer of just playing along, because we’re too tired, or too shy, or too afraid to actually expose ourselves just the way we are.
It’s not a lie, because we’re animated by good intentions, but even if both sides are entering this exchange with good intentions, the end result is heavy and uncomfortable, at worst, and, most of the times, just lingering around, inert, at best.
I wish I could say there’s a way out of it.
I wish I could say: “here’s what we have to do in order to get rid of the chocolate Easter bunny layer and live authentic and powerful relationships”.
But I’m afraid I can’t do that. Because that will imply we know everything about every person we meet. And we don’t. We barely know a few bits about ourselves.
So, the least I can say is that this layer does exist and it’s just there. Sometimes, like I said, it starts to debilitate whatever authentic vibes we had in a relationship to the point of making it dull, while sometimes - like in the case of still maintaining the ties with our families - might be the only thing keeping the relationship afloat.
We pretend we like chocolate Easter bunnies knowing that, at the other end of the gesture, somebody will feel good about themselves.
As long as the shelves are not too crowded with more and more "chocolate Easter bunnies" stacking up on top of each other and eating our space, I think it's safe to do it.
But as the shelves are getting more and more bunnies, we need to find a way to deal with the problem.
Otherwise, like in a bad cartoon, the chocolate Easter bunnies will wake up one night, will silently start to march towards our beds and eat us alive.
I'm a serial entrepreneur, blogger and ultrarunner. You can find me mainly on my blog at Dragos Roua where I write about productivity, business, relationships and running. Here on Steemit you may stay updated by following me @dragosroua.
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This is one of those sticky widgets.
Basically, you have to take your relationship to a whole other level.
Where both people involved feel they can talk about issues without a blowup or a backlash over it. This requires an openness and an ability to communicate your desires.
This usually starts with each person getting a back bone. Your emotions are important. Your needs are important. Holding them back is slowly depleting you. (or fastly)
The next step is communication abilities. Communication, one of the most important things that can ever be learned. Not taught in schools.
And when both sides have learned to attack the problem and not the person, then you can talk about the Chocolate Easter Bunny Layer.
But, who am i kidding, the other person usually has all their emotions, all of their feelings of being a good person, tied up in this gift.
So, you just smile, thank them for the gift. And then dispose of it. In the trash if need be.
I honestly did not know where this post about Chocolate Easter Bunnies was going until you turned it into a behavioral science post about our relationships. :)
Then, it made perfect sense!
We don't get a lot of goodies for Easter anymore, which is probably a good thing, given what you've just written, but I actually like chocolate eggs and bunnies and wouldn't mind a few. Not if they've been sitting around for months or more. They do lose their appeal rather quickly.
You must not be expecting any company to come (at least not those who've given you the bunnies over the years) or I would think leaving them out on a shelf would be a dead giveaway about how you feel about them.
There must be also an unwritten relationship rule that prevents you from just throwing them away, too. Which would help if said Easter Bunny giver were to appear at your home.
However, your point is well taken. There are all kinds of things we put up with. In my case, I prefer being married to my wife over being divorced. So, there's things I live with and things I do to keep her happy. And then there are things I do that she doesn't want to live with but I do anyway, so I can be happy. :)
When the topic pop up, "The chocolate Easter Bunny", I had no idea that it would be heading towards this direction.........
"They are the symptom of an inability to adapt, for both sides. The giving side is unable to adapt to the expectations of the receiver (who doesn’t give an actual fuck about the “chocolate Easter bunny”) and the receiving side is unable to adapt to the expectations of the giver (who is not used to getting rejected)."
It's beautiful how you've been able to portray this story to highlight an important aspect of human relationship in general. This can also come from a strong and sound imagination. Well done @dragosroua for this amazing piece
Here in Serbia, an orthodox christian country, we don't have chocolate Easter bunnies :(
Chocolate is the first luxury. It has so many things wrapped up in it: deliciousness in the moment, childhood memories, and that grin-inducing feeling of getting a reward for being good.
Lol, finally i get to fully understand the mystery behind the title Easter chocolate Bunny lol, maybe give more out lol, just like easter eggs still remain a mystery to me, from where i come, we deal with easter chicken, epic experience i tell you, i dont want to go too explicit so let me just say a lot of chickens end up in pots
One day i hope them chickens will not organise an army against the human race lol
We get one of those every Easter because the Easter Bunny is a folkloric figure and symbol of Easter.
In my country Venezuela we don't have that tradition, I've always wanted to be part of it. Those rabbits look delicious ♥ __ ♥
Base on research, Chocolate could reduce hearth attack. Thats why we should consume it twice atleast a week
Chocolate is the best gift for anyone. I always gift a chocolate to my sister in the special days.