Champion of Depression

I am doing my best.
I know all about Depression the cycitic onslaught and the manic waves where i feel ok or stellar untill i drop back in or get dragged back under the aweful thankless sub-plot of that ol abyss.
Granted if it was just me going thru these horrid avenues of self dout , self hate and the medley of neurosis and maladapted tendencies to help deal with feelings that no living being should have to deal with. No doubt you ought to say "Uncle", "olli ollie oxmentfree" and it subsides or help comes out of hiding.
Dispite the exclaimations the feeling stays unbearably.
Well maybe if i was the odd one it would be ok, but it certainly is not o.k. whilst i watch my freinds and everyone around me go into these gnarled waves i become helpless to help anyone and eventually the undertow drowns me endlessly.
Maybe i would be happy if i had gainfull employment. Instead since i have gotten out of school years and years ago i been struggling bad financially but worse yet i struggle mentally in such a horrendous way. asking my self why do i bother to work or even do antlything when my efforts frequently go un paid or un noticed. And further self-doubt since i am sort of desperately picking these employers And what makes this all such an abysmal failure... is that i have only been getting smarter and more qualified with better skills as i whatch the world go to shit and not be able to pay for anything or at least the parts that i do.
There is no reward for having any of these skills or knowledge. I go back i try to use the old ways of bullshit resumes and interviews i start to feel a nagging at my mind to not let up the fierce tigers face i wear in meetings to let my future payors know to pay me. Or. Let me find the jugular of this llc and we can find out why the nice man inside me is dead and buried six feet deep under a pile of unpaid tickets and invoices.
A good old freind of mine suggested me to get on Steemit here and write. I shall try and try my best. I will turn the camera on me when i feel a little more photogenic. For now I offer no magic cures to heal your deppression or mental illness cause I have tried everything every article says and i am jaded to the point that i wont try anything. So now with this approach lets explore how my nature to not subscribe or suggest anything to help goes. Rather i am gonna do my best to define and describe these feelings of depression the way i can my best. I dont know if anyone else has tried this but here is my words that commiserate rather than alienate. I can tell you what im doing judge me join me or just be pleased to read. I just know i need some inspiration to budge. And some light on me to grow. where i feel ok or stellar untill i drop back in or get dragged back under the aweful thankless sub-plot of an abyss. Granted if it was just me going thru these horrid avenues of self dout , self hate and the medley of neurosis and maladapted tendencies to help deal with feelings that no living being should have to deal with. No doubt you ought to say "Uncle", "olli ollie oxmentfree" and it subsides or help comes out of hiding.
Dispite the exclaimations the feeling stays unbearably.
Well maybe if i was the odd one it would be ok, but it certainly is not o.k. whilst i watch my freinds and everyone around me go into these gnarled waves i become helpless to help anyone and eventually the undertow drowns me endlessly.
Maybe i would be happy if i had gainfull employment. Instead since i have gotten out of school years and years ago i been struggling bad financially but worse yet i struggle mentally in such a horrendous way. asking my self why do i bother to work when my efforts frequently go un paid. And further self-doubt since i am sort of desperately picking these employers And what makes this all such an abysmal failure... is that i have only been getting smarter and more qualified with better skills as i whatch the world go to shit and not be able to pay for anything or at least the parts that i do.
There is no reward for having any of these skills or knowledge. I go back i try to use the old ways of bullshit resumes and interviews i start to feel a nagging at my mind to not let up the fierce tigers face i wear in meetings to let my future payors know to pay me. Or. Let me find the jugular of this llc and we can find out why the nice man inside me is dead and buried six feet deep under a pile of unpaid tickets and invoices.
A good old freind of mine suggested me to get on Steemit here and write. I shall try and try my best. I will turn the camera on me when i feel a little more photogenic. For now I offer no magic cures to heal your deppression or mental illness cause I have tried everything every article says and i am jaded to the point that i wont try anything. So now with this approach lets explore how my nature to not subscribe or suggest anything to help goes. Rather i am gonna do my best to define and describe these feelings of depression the way i can my best. I dont know if anyone else has tried this but here is my words that commiserate rather than alienate. I can tell you what im doing judge me join me or just be pleased to read. I just know i need some inspiration to budge. And some light on me to grow.