What it Felt Like to Die in 1999 at the Age of 18

In 1999 at the age of 18, I died. I was 3 weeks out from my 7th open heart surgery. Unknowing to me at the time, I was bleeding internally. My INR (Blood Thickness Level) was at an unbelievable 13.5, when it should be at it's highest 2.5-3.5. Being that thin, even a bump on my head could cause an internal bleed. Three weeks earlier, when my pacemaker wires were pulled out of my chest following the surgery, two tiny bits of my heart were pulled away which started the internal bleed.

I was home alone at the time playing A-10 Cuba on an old mac, I remember I had just landed my plane on a cliff when I felt this searing pain shoot up through my back. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, I would think that it would be comparable to being stabbed in the back with a large knife and having the feeling of being ripped from the waist to the upper left shoulder. It was excruciating. I knew then.. that I was dying. They say... people that is.. that you will know when you are dying.. and it's true!

I called up my sisters and brother and told them that I loved them.. and what was going on. They were in college at the time, over 5 hrs away. I called my Mom who was at work, over an hour away and she told me to call 911. I picked up the other line and dialed 911 and told the operator what was going on. Mom stayed on the line with me until she lost cell reception. I sat down on the sofa in our living room and then decided to go and unlock the door as I waited for the ambulance to arrive. That was a smart idea.. because I wouldn't have made it had I not unlocked that door.

My aunt who lived 10 miles down the road, heard the 'tones' go off on her police scanner and heard my address being called out. She quickly left her house to drive over to help me. As I sat there on the sofa, I felt this coldness enter my body, it started in my toes and slowly moved up through my body. As the coldness went up my body.. I lost total feeling.. and then a great silence enveloped me. I felt no pain. I lost all sound.. I couldn't hear a thing.. and then my vision began to go dark. The world around me began to fade and I knew that I was going out. I was saying every prayer I could think of.

The next thing I remember was the feeling of someone pounding on my chest. As I opened my eyes, I was lying under the kitchen table. My glasses were missing and my vision was blurred. I heard my aunt saying "He's breathing!" I rolled my head to right and saw my aunt's face come into vision, she was on the phone with 911. I had this distinct feeling that something special was going on. It felt like 1000 Sun's were radiating in and out of my body. I felt an immense warmth pouring out of all my pores.. and total love and peace. I have desired to feel this again.. and I have yet to experience anything close to it.

I heard a noise and the front door blew open as paramedics rushed in. They started to access me and then brought in a back board. I remember one of them trying to get my blood pressure and saying "My God! I can't get a reading!". They radioed in and I heard them requesting a Medivac. Unfortunately for me, we lived on a mountain in Southern Virginia at the time.. and there was fog on the mountain that day and a Helicopter couldn't come in for me. =(

The paramedics loaded me up and took me to the hospital where my Mom was waiting. She said as the ambulance pulled in, it was going slow with the lights off. She thought I was dead. Thankfully I wasn't. I was then transferred and had to take a 2 hr ride off the mountain down into North Carolina to Baptist hospital. I was hospitalized there for a week and they didn't know what to do with me. While there, I discovered that for 3 weeks I was bleeding internally and the clots burst in my chest and back, collapsing my lungs and I essentially drowned on my own blood. My aunt said when she arrived I was lying on the floor in the kitchen and was covered in blood.

Baptist Hospital didn't know what to do to help me, so we called The Mayo Clinic where I had my previous surgery and they sent an Air Ambulance down to pick me up and then flew me back to Mayo in Rochester MN. I had a thoracotomy, a heart surgery through my back. The doctor removed over 15 blood clots the size of his hands.. he said he had never seen anything like it. It was a miracle that I survived. That was my 8th open heart surgery... now I am the proud survivor of 11 open heart surgeries!

Here is a video I made after my 11th heart surgery:

Life is a gift!