Kodokushi and the Lonely Death Epidemic

Lonely death or Kodokushi are on the rise, not only in Japan but in most developed countries. Should we be surprised with the increasing depression and suicide rates even in the supposedly progressive and happiest countries in the world? There's a price to pay in exchange for development and modern thinking.

This mini-documentary about dying alone or Kodokushi caught my interest. It says a lot about our modern society. Sadly, it has become a good investment or business in some countries to clean the homes of those who died alone. Because apparently, there are many people dying alone now. Their families are supposed to take care of their stuff but because they were kinless, or childless, or had never married, strangers clean after the dead and do all the intimate work.

If I think about my own life, semi-isolated, not really kinless, single, childless, and obsessed with my SELF, it's not highly impossible to resort to Kodokushi. But I'm thinking of getting a dog to keep me company, who I hope will accompany me 'til the end. Anyway, this documentary just triggered me big time. I asked myself, what have I become? I come from a culture of traditional family values, where the community thrives and one exists for the other. But I've always felt that I never really belong here. I knew it right from the start. I've always been alone and life has always been this way. When I was a child, my father passed away and they say that my grandmother's sudden death had something to do with it. My mother died suddenly, alone and lonely. My grandparents were long dead. Everything had something to do with the other. Because whether we like it or not, we exist for the other. Some of my relatives had never married in fear of not affording a stable domestic life. And they might die alone too. I'm one of those who advocate for freedom of choice, like living on my own terms and such. For some reason, the curse of lonely death is being passed onto me. It worries me, or not, that I will have the same fate as my loved ones.

The isolation epidemic has reached me too too. I see now the symptom of Western capitalism. Achievement is the name of the game leaving us believers feeling more isolated than ever. I feel totally individualized even though I co-exist with people who value community and sharing. But they don't infect me, they only made me temporarily happy and more alone than ever. Because one can still feel alone in the midst of a happy crowd. It's like soaring above the sky and looking everyone from above. It's freedom yet lonely up there.

It's also not good to over-romanticize family bonds because one can still feel lonely amid a family dinner. Family members can still trigger anger and frustration. And this is why most people prefer to live alone especially those who denounce patriarchy and traditional family living.

It seems that there's no solution to this growing epidemic of social isolation, kinlessness, and loneliness. Things are rapidly changing and globalization made it even worse. Social media, technology, genetic bad luck, and neoliberalism are the culprit. Sure, there are all these self-help books, yoga communities, and all the blah about mindfulness, but they are just an aspirin to the open wound. The big guys have already capitalized on our loneliness and in our inability to choose. There's already a big business happening right before the lonely death cleaners come. Right before the neighbors notice the foul smell. Right before the landlord notices the rent is due. Right before the maggots eat the rotting flesh weeks after. And because you are kinless, all the stuff you accumulated will only go to waste. In the end, nothing matters. You don't.

These days, aren't people so proud if they are happy, or making it seem like they are happy in their photos or posts? Or if they are happy in the company of other happy people? Looking happy doing their yoga pose and shit. It's funny because happiness has become such a thing.

As soon as the people where I am, have become infected, with this western individualism, soon they will die alone too. It's a global thing now, quickly spreading unless we soon realized what really matters in our lives. Is it really the quest for material things, money, success, or experiencing a good and fruitful life as part of the community.

Now that I am aware of what I might have become sooner or later, should I change myself now? Should I stop living a selfish life? Should I quickly go back to the old school ways and thinking, like start believing that having children would be a good investment and would probably be good for me. And like own and be owned because freedom is a lonely state. But I guess there's no turning back. I've accepted where I'm headed. I've accepted my choices and just how limited I am right now. On the bright side of this internal darkness, isolation and loneliness are a necessary evil too, for I need them to fuel my creativity. What else should I do with it? I might as well turn my internal demons into good. What do I know? All I know is that I'm not giving up on yearning for a meaningful connection that is essential to my well-being and to survive as a human being on this planet. And live longer.