Dear Steemy - My Roommate is Moving his Girlfriend into Our Small Apartment
Dear Steemy,
Me and my roommate are best friends. We've been friends since college and have lived together for years. He's been dating the same girl for a while now and she's over all the time. I see him less but I understand how it goes. The problem is that now he's been talking about moving her into the apartment and all of us being roommates. It's not that I don't like her, but I'm just unsure how we're going to split the bills. His suggestion is that they split his half of the rent, but I feel like that's not fair enough. Shouldn't I also benefit from the reduced space in the living areas too? Our friendship has gotten a little tense, and I don't want to lose my buddy, but I don't want to share a small space like that either. Sharing a bathroom with a woman is a challenge so I'm not trying to be greedy just realistic. I don't want to stop living with my best friend but it may be time.
Thanks,
Moving Out
Dear Moving,
Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood, where friendships are constantly tested or non existent. Living together is a great way to save money, but it does come with risks, as you're discovering. While you're saving money by adding a soul to your dwelling, there are indirect costs and logistics that must be observed and addressed, or else it won't matter how much money you save. What's a few extra dollars saved, if you lose all your friends?
A Home JUST For Two?
Home is where the heart is, and where all your stuff rests waiting for you. It's where we recharge our batteries and for many people it is considered sanctuary. When we choose to have roommates, or when circumstances force us, there's an unspoken tradition with rules and customs that exists. Or should. These rules and customs help us find an equitable way to split the costs. When you add a third person to a situation designed for two, anything is possible and the rules may no longer apply. And figuring out rent suddenly becomes an ego-centric negotiation for pride. If you can avoid forcing the situation, try not to crowd an already crowded space. Plan to move and be open about communication!
But life is unpredictable, and isn't love grand? Totally!
Public Space vs. Private Space
Rent! It's always almost due. When it was just the two of you, everything was splistsville down the middle, but what about a third, and a partner at that? In my view, it doesn't have to be a hard calculation to make. Let's imagine it's just you two and the rent for a 2 bedroom is 100USD a month (cheap I know! It's hypothetical). Easy, you both pay 50 bucks each. What you're paying for is your private space and part of the public space, and these should be considered separate costs. Divided along purely equal lines, each room is worth 25 dollars, and the public spaces like the bathroom, kitchen, and living room is an additional 50 dollars.
While your roommate will be the one losing space in his private room, his rent will go down, it being split with his girlfriend. However, the even split you had going in the public spaces must now include a third person, and this is where an equitable solution can be found.
The girlfriend will use the public spaces if she is living there, and so should contribute a third of the costs for public space. In the 100$ apartment scenario, this would amount to 17$, rounded up. So in addition to the 25 dollars for their room, there should be 17$ added to their bill to account for the third person's use of the public space. This would reduce the costs to everyone involved, as long as cooler heads prevail. Here's to hoping cooler heads prevail.
The Times They Are A-Changing
I'd be careful if I were you, Moving. Few things can ruin a friendship so quickly as money or perceived lack of support. When dealing with situations involving love and partnership, it's best to tread cautiously. Be involved in your friends excitement about his relationship, and ask questions. When the money comes up, get out a pencil and paper and jot down everyone's ideas about how to best structure the arrangement.
If you know that you are not interested in that living situation, you can also use this time to openly explore other opportunities. Share this with your roommate, but don't make it an ultimatum or threat. A budding relationship needs its own space to grow, and not everyone is able to do that with a third roommate present. It isn't personal, and your decision wouldn't be, either. Adulting is hard.
If you want to keep the friendship, keep your cool while your friend is going through the hormonal chemical bath of love. If you can weather the storm, you should be able to find an arrangement that works for you, or their support as you look for one better suits your needs.
Just be honest and kind and you'll never lose your friend.
Good Luck Moving,
Steemy
COMMUNITY NOTE:
In yesterday's Community Spotlight, @dajojns1420 reached out to participate in the discussion, lending his insight in a comment.
Shortly after posting, his friend was involved in a terrible auto accident and has since undergone surgery. It is still unclear if he will regain full mobility. @dajohns1420 asked Dear Steemy for help in supporting Logan's Go Fund Me, set up to help with the medical costs.
We communicated via email to figure out how Dear Steemy could help. Below you will find @dajohns1420 story of who Logan is to him, and the link to his Go Fund Me campaign. Any of your time checking this out is greatly appreciated.
Half of anything earned in this post will be donated towards Logan's Go Fund Me. I'm sorry I can't do more, @dajohns1420, but I can at least do this. Steemy and everyone reading Dear Steemy wish you the best in helping Logan and his family out, and the best recovery possible for Logan, who sounds like a good human being.
Best,
Steemy
(The Campaign is currently at 1470$ of its 30k goal. Good luck!)
According to an update on the campaign page:
Logan is unfortunately still in paralysis from the lower chest down. They also found that Logan's pelvis is fractured. Though, with all odds stacked against Logan he is optimistic and in high spirit about recovering. He will be in the ICU the next few days. At some point in time next week he will be transferred to the valley to finish the rest of his care. We can't express how much we appreciate the generous support all of you have given us and especially Logan so far! We love and appreciate all of you, thank you again!
@dear.steamy =nicest person on steemit