Interesting that it affects you so much. I am the opposite: I couldn't care less about my birthday and probably wouldn't even notice when it came if I didn't get emails from my parents and a FB wall covered with well wishes. You know, I don't even remember the date half the time. Whenever I am filling out paperwork I always have to pause and think for a moment when it comes to date and age. Luckily my wife is often there to tell me what to write. haha

Funny enough, I just posted a haiku about aging to my steemit the other day. Here it is:

never never to grow old
was my intention...
the temple bell tolls
—Jokun

I gave a few more details about it in the post, but basically Jokun too was having something of a birthday moment, lamenting the fact that he had become old.

Anyway, good luck dealing with your depression. I enjoyed reading your post.