Fork In The Road

When I imagined this project, I had a finished image I could visualize and I had a concept. I knew drawing the High Road would be a piece o’ cake - draw a bunch of pills and an Rx symbol, some pill bottles, done! No big deal. I couldn’t stop my imagination from developing the Life Road though, the list of things to draw kept increasing: pets, careers, choices, family, food, cars.. The paper in my sketchbook is A2, (8n1/2x11) as the list continued to increase, I knew I was going to have to use two pages to draw this piece. Only one issue - How do you draw a picture without actually drawing? 🤔

For this one, I used a kindergartners playbook scissors, scotch tape, glue, and some magazine cut-outs. (I returned each magazine to its original location once I was finished dissecting it) Although I didn’t have any actual narcotics for this photo shoot, I was able to locate some pill bottles and I found enough actors in our over the counter supply of medication to complete the scene. Had I cut and glued this thing together back in 2013, I would’ve had an entire arsenal of pharmaceuticals to support the High Road. Today I spell arsenal a little differently - sober:

Fork In The Road

No drawing this time, this post will cover my pharmaceutical findings. For the record - I never intended to devote as much time to this research as I did but apparently I was under the impression it warranted my attention for a couple decades. Being able to describe the effects, know what’s required to quit and being in a position to share my opinion was never intentional. How’d it start? good question:

When the two ends of the town you grew up in are connected by a dirt road and your aunt owns a major motorcycle dealership, learning how to ride first and walk second is genetics. I crashed a dirt bike for the last time in 2004.

I had my first dirt bike when I was three. Yes, three. One time when I was about 32, the chiropractor sitting across the table from me, with an x-ray of my skeleton on his screen, said: “if you weren’t here in front of me right now, I’d think this was an 80 year old man.” .....thanks! I’m not making this up, the next thing he said was “Do you ride motorcycles?” “Not anymore,” I said. When two hands are required to count the surgeries you’ve endured, all before your 16th birthday, seeing a chiropractor regularly is necessary.

In the 90’s, pain killers (Vicodin, Percocet, Norco, Darvacet, Lortab, Loricet) were made famous. Headaches, a skin rash, cancer, can all be treated with a pain killer. Today they’re probably equally as famous as anti-depressants (Xanax, Zoloft, Ritalin, Adderall, Klonopin, Valium) - It seems a large number of people are medicated these days for some type of social disorder. If it isn’t PTSD it’s bi-polar and if that isn’t it, it must be depression or ‘something,’ it’s always something.

Before I graduated high-school, my surgery tally tempted double digits. Pharmaceuticals were as plentiful to me as pep-rally’s and home-room was at the chiropractors office. When I turned 18 I could legally drop off and pick up my own prescriptions.

Pain killers never declined in consumption, in fact, the opposite took place. The longer I was prescribed the medication, the more dependent on them I became while steadily building up a tolerance. It’s a domino effect: The amount of narcotics required last month isn’t adequate next month. The development of pharmaceuticals is a big business, one that doesn’t slow down. As they were intensifying the medication, I was increasing my intake. As time progressed, my skin and teeth became extra sensitive, I was bruising easily and often. My blood pressure had been abnormal for so long, when it finally hit its peak, I’d developed a 240 over 175 heart beat.

Suddenly I’m being counseled on heart attacks and strokes... what?! Hey wait a minute - But I drove myself here. Lisinopril for my blood pressure, check! But I couldn’t take the Lisinopril together with the pain killer without also taking a blood thinner. got it! The only way I could continue pumping myself full of narcotics was to create a cocktail and that meant adding a blood thinner (Aspirin) and a Lisinopril (blood pressure) to my pain killer (Opiate) intake. And that’s just the beginning:

This is the simplified version of a progression that eventually led to an assortment of pill bottles in my medicine cabinet that finally required a time out:

The addition of blood thinners and blood pressure meds to my existing pain medication made it difficult to socialize. I woke up daily with a feeling of paranoia and nervousness, accompanied by frequent sweats, hunger and nausea. Welcome in Xanax. The paranoia did seem to subside with Xanax, along with the rest of my memory. I’d be paranoid one minute and then forget what I was paranoid about. Remembering my phone number, directions to my house, where I parked my car or when to eat became increasingly difficult. At this point I needed help focusing. Meet, Valium. Valium takes control of all your thoughts, it hides them from you and only allows you to access one of them at a time. Let’s do some math: Lisinopril + Aspirin + Opiate + Xanax + Valium = Sleeplessness! Another addition when all I wanted to do was subtract the pain. Now I’m tossing and turning all night, feeling anxious and jittery, sleeping in short intervals only to be woken by cold sweats. I was seeing more with my eyes closed than I was when they’re open. Meet, Ambien. (highly potent sleeping pill) More math?! The opinions you’re about to read include, but are not limited to: Surviving the center of an epidemic.

Pain Medications - Opioids. (Every single one of the opiate based narcotics) Technically, these things don’t alleviate pain, they numb the receptors in your brain designed to receive and transmit messages with your injured body parts. I always said “they don’t make the pain go away, they just make it more fun to deal with.” Continuing to numb those nerves for an extended period of time causes extensive damage to an already deteriorating body part. It’s brutal. The pain never went away, my brain just ignored the signal.

Anti-Depressants - Benzodiazepine aka Benzo’s. (All of them) Again, these things don’t technically alleviate anything. They’re an unnatural source that, when introduced to our system, cause normal thought processing skills to do abnormal things. Your brain is literally being reprogrammed. Example: A woman just got divorced and now she’s emotionally unstable. She’s having difficulties tending to her children or going to work. Xanax is introduced to her system and suddenly she’s back to work and her kids are well nourished. At the end of the day when she can’t remember which cubicle is hers or how she got the kids to school, it’s a problem. Valium, Klonopin and all the other Benzo’s work similarly. These narcotics are prescribed for specific traumatic events and although they’re capable of erasing the drama you’re currently embracing, the price paid is they erase everything else in the process.

What to expect when detoxing:
Ah man, the first three days are the worst! Both Benzo’s and Opiate’s are a real uncomfortable detox in the first 72 hours. You can count on feeling better at hour 73 though. Those three days will be the worst: Can’t eat, can’t sleep, anxious, tired, exhausted, hungry, can’t hold food down, it’s terrible. But you’ll get through it. By the end of day 7, you’ll feel like a million bucks compared to those first three days and by day 10, you’ll be a new person. At this point, you’re just a few weeks away from being sober an entire month and once you hit day 30 of sobriety, you’re home free!

Summary:
The first 3 days are rough, period, there’s no avoiding it. By the time day 4 passes and you’re waking up to day 5, you’re on an incline. By day 10, you’re eating and holding down food just like you used to and sleepless nights are history. At day 30, the whole ordeal is just a memory and all you need to do now is stay strong.

Remedy:
Imodium AD - I’d like to tell you this will alleviate all your digestive problems during detox but I’d be lying, it won’t. But it will help.
Tums - The first week will be the most uncomfortable with occasional heartburn symptoms, Tums help a lot.
L-Tyrosine - Our body naturally creates this protein based amino acid. Consuming all the opiates causes this amino to hibernate, depleting you of energy. A supplement is a good way to get this amino circulating again.
OTC PM Pills - Some people may get better results from herbs or teas, whatever your sleep remedy is, you’ll need it for the first week.
Water - Lots and lots of water, you need water now more than ever to wash your body free from toxins and replenish electrolytes.
Cold Showers - As painful as it sounds, cold showers are actually a good source of energy. An instant revival.
Multi-Vitamin - Another good source of energy as well as immune system support. It’s essential to keep your immune system functioning properly. Catching a cold or a flu right now will only lengthen your detox time.

Cover image

We’re a society who has their personal dealer doctor on speed dial. If you have a doctor or a couple doctors on payroll right now, perhaps today is a good day to call a time-out and have a good, sincere, heart to heart with yourself. Seek medical advice, of course, I’m not on your payroll. Don’t be surprised if your dealer insists you need medication to ween yourself free from your current medications, mine did. He lied.