What do you say to someone who's lost a loved one?

Imagine — a friend or coworker calls you and says that his dad/mom/brother/sister/best friend has died. Then there is that awkward silent moment. You're wondering, "What do I say now?"

You want to be empathetic and, more than anything, not screw up. What. Do. You. Say? Make a solemn promise now that you won't ever say, "I'm sorry for your loss."

Why not? It's what the police and the coroner and the court clerk say. This statement is so overused that it's become meaningless. There are better ways to convey your sympathy and the person you're saying it to will appreciate your effort.

Before age 30, I'd said, "Goodbye," to grandparents, siblings, cousins, and several friends. Earlier this year I lost my husband. I'm very familiar with the good, bad, and ugly of condolences for a lost loved one. Here are some of the better ones that have been said to me over the years.

• "Having never lost a brother/sister/cousin I don't know you feel, but I'm sorry that this has happened."
• "You must be reeling from this. I'm so sorry."
• "I'm so very sorry to hear this news."
• "I can't imagine what this must be like for you and I'm sorry."

The best response (from a good friend): "How can I help? Who can I call for you?"

Part of life is losing people that we care about. It's possible to convey sympathy in a graceful manner, and not be awkward about it.