It's Just Hard To Fight An Appetiteloss And Weightloss

You Can Just Get An Idea How Undesirable-looking My Body Is

I had gotten kind of being comfortable posting my image here at steem platform because at least here I am getting some positive results than in Facebook where the people have known me before I am just trying to hide from for the fear of making them upset to see me in this condition.

I figured out that I can never at least gain some weight because I did tried but failed. I thought that I was gaining weight already but that was just an illusion for me as I never did gained even a gram but some water weight which I am always trying to lose so that I could breathe much easier.

For me to gain some considerable weight my Hyperparathyroidism must be corrected otherwise my state of health regarding my bones, joints, weakness issues, and this problem in my weight would not get a resolution and will just keep on getting worse until I am bones break and I do fear it especially if it would involve my hip joint and at that point I do not know what to do anymore.

What Is Skin And Bones And Flies?

Then came this appetiteloss which is caused by my Cinacalcet which made matters worse. Now I can't live normally because I do not get to enjoy food if not hooked-up for my dialysis where there is only one window of opportunity for me to eat much but even in that instances I could not eat a lot because my capacity to eat really is a factor too.

For me appearance is everything but it is just funny that with that thought, appearance had been already my problem from the start and got magnified when all of these mal-metamorphosis happened. It is a big blow for my person and that made me make myself hide like a hermit within four walls of my room and just lived as an online entity loved by many and hated by some.

The painful thing is that I lost many friends because of my appearance, of course it will be just awkward to mingle with my former friends again and I do not want to make somebody be in an uncomfortable situation which is why I just had tried to go and separate myself from my friends and even from my relatives that is wanting to see me because my embarrassment level is just off the charts considering that right from the start I am an inherently shy person.

I Rather Be Ugly Than Miserable but I Am Both

I do not know if I could ever win over these things, there are so much for me to fight with plus my family just have no plans for me, it is just in my own efforts that I am surviving thanks to this community that really helped me and caused me to get medicated about my Parathyroid issues which is really expensive to manage which is now had caused me to dry up my saved funds which I never expected to happen. At least now I can still earn and it is a very big help although I just have to work about it.

There is still hope in my heart and I am always praying that God would will it for me to alleviate my problems before it is too late although in the back of my mind it truly is and I am just crazy enough to pursue something that is now impossible to happen. If only I could take my own life and end it all but being a religious person that I am that scenario will not happen as it is just forbidden to even think about it. I do not fear death though, it is the painful road to it that I kept of fearing and worrying about because it is terrible awful to die in my case if my condition gets worsened and may God forbid that from ever happening.

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