Strange thing the conscious and subconscious minds do to one another...then there's parents and siblings wheedling and burrowing into your core like a boll weevil. It's a wonder how any of us can think we're independent thinkers.

At the age of three...or four...doesn't matter at that age I was pretty curious about everything going on around me. I was outgoing and a happy kid saying hello and smiling...just like the fool I am today...(echoes of Janis Joplin's truly genuine laughter)...at neighbors and strangers alike. Always a 'hello...how are you today?'.

I was the kid in Simon and Garfunkel's 59th Street Bridge Song but by the time that song came around I was much more introverted and pensive. I was still friendly to people but something was off. Still curious about the world and everything in it. I still wanted to make the world a better place just by being a part of it all.

By the time I was in high school I was beginning to have serious doubt about where things were leading to. Corruption was a big thing to me...still is. Honesty was always important to me and if I found a friend was disingenuous with myself or other people I distanced myself from them...and told them why if they were to ask. I still to this very day can't say if I was being unfair or holding too high expectations for myself and those around me, including family. It didn't occur to me until in my early twenties that it was the little white lies that kept the skids of a relationship moving along smoothly...more or less. I still think that's bull shit thinking but hey...5-7 billion people can't be wrong...can they?

I suppose now I would be accused of having an extraordinarily low EQ...perhaps another "expert" would say I'm somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum...while the one down the hall would swear up and down that I'm classic psychopath material. All with a different prescription for the state of my future mental health, yet none of them, or us...can point a finger at the problem and say "see there? there is the disease!" And they likely never will be able to. The brain is just too complex. It's said a lot of super smart people have tendencies to self medicate to dull their thinking...I believe that's true...and likely wise for self preservation for some of them...they...I digress...or have I?

Sure we can comprehend and even summarize what we comprehend but no one can honestly say they have a true understanding of what makes Johnny tick or MaryJane whirr...and tock. Not unless they're either delusional or a board certified psychiatrist. Which when you look at it closely are nothing but a bunch of contrarian hypocrites...even among themselves. They can't tell you what a medication will do for you but they'll prescribe it as well as a few others to cover the side effects...or worsen them...because then they can point at and say 'see it's working you're doing much better...today.' Or not.

I'm still a polite, honest happy-go-lucky person...for the most part...the world can be a bitterly cold place if you can't laugh...or at least smile. And I still feel like kick'n down the cobble stones...look'n for fun 'n feel'n groovy 'n all that. But I've learned a new tune along the way...it goes something like this...id ain't me babe...no no nooo id ain't me babe...id ain't me yer look'n for...babe.

So...if it isn't id 'n id ain't me...then who the hell's fault is it anyway? That's what id would like to know. Think I'll just sleep on that thought and let my ego and super ego try to finger it out...not that they gotten anywhere up to this point...but at least they're do'n their li'l circle jerk outta sight and in my severely apneatic mind...great post @sammok ...thanks fer reminding me how truly fucked up the world is run...and id ain't me so point yer finger elsewhere. { ;-)>

             ~smiles fer miles ~

p.s. oh and the upvote didn't move the wheel...but then again I could be spit'n dry steem dust by now :)