RE: There’s Something Wired Wrong In Me: Living with Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder.
I have a good idea just how difficult it was for you to put this all out there. My last girlfriend was very much in the same state as you. I myself have the same condition to a much lesser extent. I don't suffer as you do...but I do know how you suffer.
I lost a wonderful, loving and talented friend when a change in medication turned something that seemed to be working for the both of us for three years into something that ended within a week.
I hold no ill feelings toward her and sadly we haven't talked since. I have respected her choice and let her know I am here for her if she should ever need me. I worry I'm not doing the right thing. All the time.
I'm hoping you'll slowly realize people don't hate you. Not understanding is not the same as hate. Oh sure, some who don't know your struggles will be jealous of your talents...but hey, that's them...not you.
When she would have her panic attacks she would feel trapped within herself and felt as though she were going to die any minute. I always tried to comfort her in any way that I could. It seemed helping her to breath...even through a paper bag...and to think of her family and those she knew loved her...no matter what. Usually the panic attack would pass in a few to five minutes but then she would sleep for hours. Sometimes more than twelve full hours.
When her meds were working for her she was very insightful of her situation and so helpful towards other people. I expect you're much the same way with those you're closest to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have an understanding of what it is you're dealing with. When you're at the deepest end of your own soul, the only thing that you have to hang on to is the knowledge that you are loved. This you know without doubt. That love is always there for you and usually it is enough to pull you through to the other side. Right?
I won't say I feel sorry for you Isaria...but I will say I feel you. Seems the best and greatest artists have the deepest secrets within. Secrets they themselves struggle to find the questions for...and in finding the answers...always there are more questions.
I wish you...just this day...
I wish you peace. You are loved.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, I appreciate our conversations and your understanding.
Thanks also for sharing your own experience, I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend and what you had to go through.
"When she would have her panic attacks she would feel trapped within herself and felt as though she were going to die any minute."
That's exactly how I feel when it happens.
I truly appreciate your wish for peace and love and the same goes to you my friend.
It's really not what I've had to go through. It's more so what she's going through now and how I'm no longer there to help her deal with it. I'm just hoping she's found someone else by now...she never did like being alone.
She does have a shih tzu and a rottie that bring her much comfort when she's not well and adds to her joy when she's feeling more on the up.
I do appreciate you and hope you're having a better day today. <3
I understand. Dogs are wonderful companions so that's good that she has them.
I am feeling a bit better today thank you and I hope you are doing well too.
<3
Yes, they are wonderful and they all love me very much and I them. When she would get into a dissociative state, which seemed to happen weekly the little one would climb up on her lap and just kiss and kiss and kiss her lips as if trying to bring her back. She would complain that her lips were numb afterward. The rottie would lay her head on her lap and allow the little one to walk all over her head. I'm not using names here for obvious reasons.
I'm glad you're having a better day Isaria...and I'm just fine...thanks so much for asking. ~smiles~