How to Win Friends & Influence People: Key Learning Points

Hello everyone!

I recently bought an amazing book that you all probably know:
How to Win Friends & Influence People from Dale Carnegie.

While I am usually skeptical of these type of life-changing books, I had a wonderful surprise.
The book is light, entertaining and plenty of interesting stories to which you can relate.
Of course, it has almost 100 years and some of the tails might result outdated; nonetheless, the learning points remain valid and actual.

Too often, we let our emotions and feelings take control of key moments of your life.
We love to argue, we love to look like smart asses and to make other people feel small.
But why so? Does it really help us?
Dale shows us another point of view and how most of the things we commonly do are actually wrong!

These are the key takeaways that I got from the book:

1. Don't criticise, try to put yourself in other people's shoes.

2. Don't take things for granted: appreciate them.

3. Arouse enthusiasm and encourage people:
nourish their self-esteem by giving honest and sincere appreciation.

4. Don't think about what you want but about what the other party wants.
Try to see from their perspective.

HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU:

1. Show genuine interest in people.

2. SMILE! Spread good vibes and don't let negative thoughts shadow your goodness.

3. Remember people's name.

4. Listen to people, don't talk about yourself (nobody cares).
   Wait for them to finish and don't interrupt! Ask genuine questions to learn more about their stories.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.

6. Be sincere and make the other person feel important.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING:

1. Avoid the cute angle: don't be a smart ass. Avoid argument and let people expand their egos.
   Welcome the disagreement and distrust your instinctive reactions to be defensive of your point of view. Control your temper, don't be angry. Listen to their argument and look for areas of agreement: when debating, people won't change their opinion, your opposition will encourage them to retain their point of view as a question of self-pride. Be honest and apologise if you're wrong.AVOID ARGUMENTS!

2. "Man must be taught as if you taught them not" the self-esteem of people is threatened when we tell them they're wrong: permit yourself to understand the other person, too often we judge too early. Don't evaluate judgements, try to understand them.
   Never say "you're wrong", be diplomatic and respect the opinions of others.

3. Criticise yourself, admit you're wrong and do it quickly.

4. Begin conversations in a friendly way and by emphasising the things on which you agree, induce yes responses. Arguing doesn't pay off, look from their perspectives and make them say YES!

5. People don't listen to you if they have still things to say, let them blow their steam off and do a great deal of the talking.

6. Don't sell. Make people buy. Make them participate in your idea and give a sense of ownership to them.

7. "Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint" Why should they do this?

8. People are what they are because of their struggles and experiences.
   Don't be angry, make people like you.
   Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and interests.

9. A person usually has two reasons for doing something: one that sounds good and a real one.
   Appeal to the noble motives!

10. Dramatisation and showmanship can help you.

11. Challenge people; their work is the most motivating factor.
    Push on their desire to excel and make them feel important.

HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE?

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciations.

2. Don't use "but" when you criticise, use "and". Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly!

3. Don't judge people based on you.

4. Talk about your mistakes and about how much you do wrong before criticising the other person!

5. Don't give orders, paraphrase them.

6. Don't hurt people's dignity: let the other person save its face.

7. Use praise, instead of criticism.
   We're always ready to criticise everything but we often forget to prize people for their improvements!

8. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

9. Encourage people. Make fault seem easy to correct!

10. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

I believe these are small changes that can give us a great deal of benefit and help us building better and more honest relationship with people. The success of people is not only due to their skills, but mostly to their capacity of handling relationships and dealing with people.

I hope this article can plant some seed in your mind and foster some much-needed change.

If you already know the book and have personally witnessed some improvements by following these points, please share your story in the comments!

For those who don't know the book, I advice you to take a look at it, it might change your life:
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034