Change your Inner World
Hey, how are your days going?
I hope they are going well.
I hope each day is an improvement.
If not,
why not?
Are you running into the same problems?
Do these speed bumps and walls seem to point back at you, accusingly?
As if the wall itself is not to blame.
Those can be frustrating.
Are you thinking about it?
Or are you only giving attention to what's already stamped in your mind?
Is it really thinking?
Or is it a repeating loop of memories and feelings?
All this activity seemingly under your skin, in your heart, in your head,
does it feel familiar?
Have these currents been running through you for a long time?
Unchangeable past circumstances, bad experiences, personal failures, and reinforced notions by people around you. Does it feel like part of who you are?
Do you like the identity that's been issued to you? Is that what you worked so hard for?
It's like a river inside of you. These emotions and memories, these so-called thoughts, they flow within the grooves that have been fashioned by your history.
You're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not good enough, you have a tendency to be too emotional, too sensitive. You don't have enough drive, you don't understand the ways of the world, and on top of it all you're too arrogant.
Does this sound too familiar?
Negativity is branding your identity. It's swinging pickaxes and sledgehammers into the foundation of your psyche to create grooves, gaps, and troughs. All things flow within the direction of the established infrastructure. How you think and feel is all within the context of what the past has done to you.
Become your own architect. Renovate your head. Remodel your mental streets.
Try this:
Pick a song, something you can listen to every day. Something soothing.
Sit comfortably in a quiet place, close your eyes, and let the song play.
Breathe in, "I love myself"
Breathe out whatever answers back.
In, "I love myself"
and out with anything or nothing.
Stop when the song finishes.
Mean it when you tell yourself. If you don't, try harder on the next breath. The more you mean it, the deeper the blow.
Force your mind, your subconscious, to change the roads and the flow of your thoughts and feelings for the better.
It doesn't matter how deep they grooves are already dug, time and intent will gradually redirect the currents.
I challenge you to try it for a month, and tell me it didn't change anything.
This is my practice. I picked it up from This Book.
Arte's Big Leap
Gory Glory
A great ceasar salad recipe
Bobbie Blade and the Mantis Shrimp
terrific job, you have to keep it up of course :D
You have a very original analysis of the cycles of our lives.
Thank you! Made some major changes in my life recently. Reading and learning a lot.
@cosimo thanks for this post! It's not that I am rejected by people, on the contrary more that I have reject improvement of relationship with others. Besides that, at the moment I am at the crossroads of my life, and need to chose what to do, and wherever I look I can see negativity pattern repeating all over again, and again.
Up until now, for many times I had proven my self wrong. But now, stakes are high, and still seeing myself failing whichever path to chose.
By now, I can say that I have the ability to cross any of these paths, but still doubt, shadows and negativity storms are rising. By now regular trainings kept my sanity and cheerfulness, but with injury, I have been stagnant for months.
I will try your methods, and thanks for sharing it.
Cheers!
One thing I've found with struggling with depressing situations is that, in addition to a downward spiraling mood, my mind becomes my enemy. Everything it says to control my thoughts and feelings is a lie. It's my mind so it's just as smart as me. The only thing I have to fight back with is by realizing a pattern.
Kind of like meeting a liar who is smarter than you. If it's the first time you meet, he's going to trick you. If you've met him before or if someone new is singing to his familiar tune then you can fight back by noticing some red flags.
The point is, part of me knows, from experience, that my mind is lying to me. Things are not hopeless, I'm not going to fail no matter what, this isn't forever, I shouldn't give up on everything.
I think that this beasts thrives on buried vulnerability.
Often times the thing that is generating our fear, doubt, and negative emotions hides itself. It tells you that you need to be better at something, or that another person is the cause, or some new stressor in your life is the cause. In fact the cause is often a long deep-seated personal perception.
The good news is by working on this personal vulnerability I am strengthening my spirit's foundation. I'm finding that a lot of the same recurring negative themes in my life don't seem to have a leg to stand on.
It sounds like you're at a cross roads and I think as long as you put your energy into staying true to yourself as well as positive, you cannot regret your decision.
One last thing, you mentioned regular training to keep positive and sane. You are familiar then with how powerful putting something in practice can be.
Good luck.