Heal First. IV, Contributed by @Olawalium
You can read the first one here, the second one here and the third one here.
continued…
I got into a discussion with an elderly person regarding this issue and she shared an experience another friend of hers had.
She said her friend dated another lady that just got out of a relationship. The lady actually needed comfort, obviously, and this friend of hers was on hand to show the hand of love. At that time, this lady didn’t even know she was confusing comfort for love, so you really cannot blame her. She was in her vulnerable state, where she accepted just any kind of love. Moreover, this elder person I spoke with, is interested in that man, but the man wasn’t making a move. He has eyes for this other lady that just got out of a relationship.
Several months after, this man got married to the lady that just got out of a relationship. A few years down the line, they had two children. Fast forward a little bit more, this woman woke up one day and told the man, I thought I loved you, but I didn’t. I have been having a hard time loving you for six years. I tried everything I could do just to make it work and happen, but I can’t push it anymore. I really don’t love you. I decided to put it mildly.
This man was visibly shaking and shaken, she traveled all the way from where he was to meet with this elderly woman I spoke with. He was in tears and told her all his wife said. He even apologized for not recognizing this woman’s love and going for the lady who just got out of a relationship. Of course, it was too late. She is married already with children too.
Everything in life is all about processes. Once you know the state of your heart and how best you deal and handle hurt, it is best you give everything time. It usually plays out nicely.
You have been hurt and broken? Give it time. Don’t jump into another anytime soon, at least for your sake and the same of the other heart involved. Allow the process to work. Heal first. Love is not going away. Love will always find you. Don’t think if you don’t accept that person you won’t find another. It is better to wait and lose the person than to take the person and end up hurting yourself and the other person in the long run.
Love is telling you to wait, and heal first. Good things sometimes take time. Wait for it. Love yourself.
Gracias!
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
You have actually done the best by taking this issue to another level, it is always good to seek people opinion on any issues regardless of who they might be once they are ready to be of assistance in any form.
This is really common phenomenon nowadays, what I can say is, we don't always get everything we ever wanted in life and we don't always welcome people that give us more attention as far as relationship is concerned not until we loss such people to another person. So we have to be very careful before making a decision and ask our new found love what he or she had experience from the past relationships and if he or she is willing to let go of the past so that it won't in any form bounce back on us. #choose wisely and take your time. It is better to be single now than falling out of love in your new relationship.
I said this, day before yesterday that we needed to heal first before dangling into another relationship, we have to see whether the person we just left can have a change of mind and make a rethink before venturing into any other kind of relationship or else it is sure that we are absolutely going to hurt ourselves and other people we find ourselves in relationship with. Take enough time to heal just like you have said
All this things realy really matter so as not to hurt another person because you will not be able to forgive yourself and the other person you had hurt would be able to forgive you nor trust others in relationships again so we needed to heal first so as not to break people's hearts with our adversity. We need to learn through adversity from the relationship we just left in order to make the people we desire to engage in any form of relationship to happy.
Absolutely spot on. Thanks for your usual insightful comment.
The first step to healing is recognizing you need help, once that has been sorted out, the healing takes place.
Gracias amigo.
Hmmn
You just made a post in another post.
I love the way you broke everything down....
Hahahaha he is @surpassinggoogle's brother and he made sense.
For real?
My Love's brother? 😍
Wow.... We need to get close then 😂
Hahahaha. Yes, get closer and get loved.
Thanks for the commendation, you wrote something convincing too brother. Keep the good work flowing man
She is a lady hahaha
hahaha
I thought my name was feminine enough... Lol
Hahaha exactly and even your dp.
Lol, I don't know ooo
Hahaha i know.
The deeper the better, that's my assessment of this series.
A lot of families are suffering from this story you narrated, some couples are just enduring their homes and not enjoying it.
Some couples are just living as hostel mates and not lovers. The mistake usually come from the foundation like this. Little hole can drain the whole of the container
Sometimes they do it not to mean evil, they wanted comfort and wanted to forget about their pasts, but they don't want to be healed from it first.
You can't force yourself to forget what you have already known, but you can train yourself to grow over it through patient and persistent.
It is better to be single than to be married and be praying to be single again.
I'm glad you listened to her advice, who knows what the story would have been by now....
Ability to listen and seek for help makes healing process faster and easier. Being open to learning is always key, it has saved many from a life time of sorrow. Many homes endure, because they don't want to take the step backwards and are concerned about what the society would say. It is really a deep issue. Healing, being open and seeking for help makes healing process faster.
Thanks a lot as always. Gracias Amigo.
Let's just go by the word experience is the best teacher, and since you cannot live long enough to have all the experiences, learning from other people's experience would place you ahead of your game, it will save you of many impending dangers....
Thanks to you too.
Gbam!
Yeah, you're right o....
There are lots of people suffering from this mistake.
Sure, thanks for reason along with that...
Now is the time to work on the foundation so as not to struggle with the structure...
Exactly...
Thanks
Spot on brother....
I think before someone will take the plunge, drill it into it's brain that there is no point in being pretentious for pleasing anyone. In fact, nobody don't hurt yourself just to please someone because you will have yourself to blame
it works sometimes when you give something a try by against your heart, but its not always pay off, because a lot of people use to regret it,
Thanks for sharing @olawalium
I am really glad it blessed you and thanks for your time and comment, bro. Much appreciated.
Some people are aware of interpersonal conflict; however, they just do it all with evasiveness. They withdraw from situations when disputes occur. Or they cover their mistakes in the measure, acting as if he does not know anything.
Early forgiveness can be a good way but a reason to avoid conflict. Early forgiveness is an attempt to improve relationships without going through angry and hurt feelings and other conflicting realities.
The avoidance paradox is that people often use it to try to maintain a healthy relationship. But avoid the destruction of a relationship and cause a distance. Avoid steadily steadily leading to rejection and all its negative effects.
Another angle to that. I like it. Early forgiveness heals people faster and gives strength to let go. If you have strength to forgive early, then you have strength to heal faster and getting closer to being totally healed. This is good.
Thanks a lot for this. Much appreciated.
That's a later regret for the woman 👩
She didn't give time before running 🏃 into another relationship, at least to heal First and watch the man
She has made a big mistake she can't that got no solution,she can't call back the years she spent with the man and she can't kill the children she had for him
Sorry for the woman that loved the man,maybe she didn't let him know,that doesn't make her cheap if she tell him how she feels
Hmmmmmm... Life
Just that if one keeps taking past hurts to heart, one wont be able to move forward.
Life goes on... Love should abound
Holding on to past hurts have the potential of hurting us more than we know it. It robs us of the present and lay hold to the future, thereby stealing the joy and happiness. Letting it go is a step towards recovery. It has to come gradually and not making reference to the past helps too, still, gradually.
Thanks for your time dear.
We really needs to heal ourselves of heartbroken first and give ourselves sometime before getting involved in another relationship. Love will always be there waiting for us, bit we need to study our partner properly before falling in love with them
Absolutely, study the content before feeding it to your soul. We can't know everything, but there are always warning signs. Watching out for them and studying them will get us to a state where we can adequately access the situation.
Thank you for this.
The more reason why when we are hurt, we have to take time and heal first so we don't mistake something else for love.
Yes, we often mistake closeness for love, comfort for love and even likeness for love. Taking time to heal makes us access the situation and objectively judge what we want.
Thank you so much brother.
That was harsh... Took her six full years to do that? You're right though, it could've been prevented if he had realized her vulnerability early
Terribly harsh hahahaha. That must really be devastating for him. It might take a whole time for healing but then, healing is needed, for him and for the other person he might choose to go for again. We often mistake comfort for love.
Thanks a lot for your time dear.
Really very harsh
Totally!. Wickedness with total disregard for consequences. Hahahaha. Kidding. That was really a bummer! A blow to the belly for him.
Lol....
I bet you can't beat that....
Hahaha this is not something i need to compete with.
Hmmn
Really sad story filled with lessons to learn.....
Wait and heal first before falling in love with someone again.
Thanks @olawalium for sharing
Thanks a lot my yellow lady hahaha. Really appreciate you always.
But I'm dark 😔
Hahaha