Always Ask Why. II, Contributed by @Olawalium
...continued...
The last part of this topic, we discussed seeking to add value and seeking to know why certain people come into your space, so we can be of help to them rather than thinking of being helped by them. The point is, eventually they might be of help to you, but the approach has to be right from the onset. Be a value adder.
One thing that discourages people is, most of the people they were there for or helped, always end up taking them for granted or end up leaving them. When they take you for granted, take it as a compliment, why? Because they expect you to always be good, so be good and seek other purpose in helping others. Let your influence spread like fragrance. You can never go wrong with it.
Oh! They always leave? Perfect. It shows your work is done. It shows your mission is done and you are to look for another life to touch rather than to plateau there. You are not to lord it on them in the first place. Move on to the next one when you know the person has cut you off. I know this because i have been there.
Most of my friends are ladies (hands up in the air, don’t judge me, hahaha) and it is easier for them to trust me with stuff and I relish that trust and responsibility.
I met one lady on Twitter many years ago and after several direct messages we exchanged, we decided to share our mobile numbers and we upgraded to WhatsApp (that seem to be my happening zone, hahaha). She also had relationship issues. No guy seems to be staying. It got to the point she felt the problem is with her but I always tell her it is not.
When someone fails to see your worth, it has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with what they are seeing. Their sight is out of focus and they need realignment. You can’t apologize for who you are, so if they fail to see your worth, it shows they are not meant for you in the first place. Not everyone who featured in your past deserved a place in your future. Destiny is not emotional.
"She never thought he would leave in the summer. Her lonely nights were spent alone. She thought he could be her answer, but nothing lasts forever, no matter how it feels today."
Her confidence level dropped and she has been burned several times with guys too. She is so beautiful and she always seems to throw caution to the wind anytime she meets a new guy. I told her what she needed to do and most of the time she goes through with them.
Her confidence increased as the days went by back then. Another guy came, she thought he was the answer to her prayers, but he left and she gave up. She felt love wasn’t meant for her. It took me a great deal of effort, with constant calls and chats. (I don’t give up on my friends, you shouldn’t too. It is not about if they deserved it, it should be about your values and conscience). She finally got another guy. This guy is everything she asked for and everything stabilized.
After several months of dating, they picked a day for introduction, she never told me. I learned about it and she apologized. I wished her all the best and we were still chatting. Few weeks before the wedding, we chatted few times and finally, she stopped chatting with me. She didn’t even remember my birthday. It has been two to three years now, she has never reached out and the times I did, she never replied, even while she was posting on social media. I am happy, why? My work was done. I moved on to the next one.
...to be continued...
Thank you for your time.
My pen doesn’t bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.
Still me,
My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
Olawalium; (Love’s chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor’s order.
When your work is done and you try to stay a second late, what you would be faced with would be more than disappointment.
No connection is without appointed time and the duration written boldly on it. You can't force it to come when it's not time and you can't force it to continue when it is out of time.
Though, some are meant to last forever, but not all.
Now I understand why many people prefer having opposite sex as friends, it helps you to see life from another angle. A man can never see things like woman, because we reason differently and the woman can not act like man too. Moving in the company of opposite sex if well managed would help you to have a balanced life.
I could remember something you told me when I told you about my friend that stop talking to me after she got married, but always remembered me when she has an issues to tackle.
You said and I quote that "it is better to be remembered as a solution provider rather than to be a problems inventor."
Don't feel used when they take advantage of you, rather be happy because you are a solution provider and your worth is more than that of gold.
Stay awesome bro
Thanks @olawalium and @communitycoin
Good one. It is always good to be known as a problem solver. Everything surely has a time duration. When that time has elapsed, it is better to take the cue and leave. We should always go to where we are celebrated rather than where we are tolerated.
Thanks for your comment.
That's the spirit, that's the point.
Stay awesome bro.
The story you shared does touch me, sincerely I always think when someone leave you most especially when you are being of help I always think otherwise like, they are ingrite, after a lot of effort from yourself how on earth can someone now leave when it seems all have been well. Now I got the feeling, the job is done and I have to move on with other people to carry along with me, just like yourself, I have been of help to many people on steemit(not monetarily) but a lot of information that they needed, some left after the basics knowledge received at first I thought am I not been too good to them but I realized after getting to read your piece that my work is done in their life. By chance people leave and some stay, that is why I love this adage. Twenty children cannot play for twenty years, some would leave by nature, why some personal reasons and others change of environment.
This is so inspiring. It is good to view the world with different lens and your lens just magnify my world. It's always painful when people treat you badly just like the unappreciative lady you just mentioned. But, the work done principle can't be more true: when we help others, we help ourselves. Thanks for this wonderful post @olawalium I look forward to seeing it continued.
Absolutely. When we help others, we help ourselves. We are all living while learning too.
I am really delighted you found this useful. Thanks a lot.
You're welcome sir
When we help others we definitely help ourselves. We just contributed our quota in solving part of world problems doing so...
This is beautiful bro.
Of course, you're so much right! Remain blessed
Thanks bro, you too
Seriously we think of the same thing in different ways, I would feel discouraged if I were the one she didn't reply to my chat again till extend she forgot my birthday but as I read this now my orientation changed!
we should be a value adder, not should expect values from friends and doesn't matter even if they don't appreciate or just forget about you
Feeling like this shows that you are a human, we all desire some level of treatment we think we deserve, if they are not coming, their is no way we won't feel bad.
But acting like @olawalium does shows some level of wisdom. You can't keep yourself unhappy just because somebody fail to do what he or she supposed to do.
Stay awesome bro.
Knowing our roles in people's lives makes it easier for us sometimes. We shouldn't lord it over them if they forget. We should allow them make their decisions. Jesus even got 10% from the lepers He healed. Out of 10, only one came back. I should expect less than 10% hahaha.
Thanks, really appreciate.
Hahahah, funny you, ehn.
The door is always open for both entry and exit, everyone has the liberty of choosing weather to stay or to go.
Absolutely. We should know our roles in people's lives and not try to feel bad when they act different. We should know that once they heal, they might leave and when they leave, it shows we have done a good job in getting them to a place where they might not need us again. Some stay, some leave. We should not confuse our purpose because of those who stayed or left.
Glad this helped. Thanks a lot brother.
To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.
Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.
Because the nature of the charity will never end in life in this world for the life still contained the body then do not ever stop in charity, do, work and move primarily to achieve and reach the reward and success.
Time travels along the way of charity. Even the two raced each other. Sometimes it can finish a charity. But sometimes the charity comes without being able to be fulfilled even though it has passed some time. In fact, often the charity is more than the time available so that it can not be completed by one time or one generation but it is solved by another time or the next generation.
Very noble acting. I like that.
when your work is done, you should just rest and relax and look with pride at how you helped brought happiness in her life again.
Also, it hurts at first when she stops talking to you but you know that she has her own life now and that she is living it, of course if you still chat to her it will make it awkward for her husband, however you gave her support when she needed it the most and if even she stops talking she should never forget what you did for her.