Yes, that makes sense. I guess right now what I really want is some breathing room. I just want to not have to worry about how I'm going to pay the bills and have free time during the day to ask myself all of these questions. What do I really want if I could do or have or be anything? I feel mentally overloaded. My worst fear is of being at the mercy of hostile others and not being able to help the people I care about.

Thanks for the starting points. I will use them.