RE: A REAL Man Never Hits A Woman - Do You Agree?
I was an Assistant District Attorney in Harris County (Houston), Texas back in the 80's. It happened to be the same time that law enforcement decided to take domestic violence serious and men, for the first time, were actually going to jail. You have captured the cycle of violence perfectly. I have an additional observation. Controling men come in all races and nationalities and cultures. While it is clearly obvious in Muslim countries where their legal system and customs will condone this, it was not long ago in the US where this was quite common as well. I noticed uneducated "redneck" men tended to offend in higher numbers and were more apt to excuse this behavior. That said, I found it happens even in the so called "best of families." I have raised 3 daughters. I told them "there are 2 kinds of men in this world- those that hit and those that don't. The ones that hit will hit, the ones who don't, won't. For that reason, the first time a man ever raises his hand to you, get the hell out. No apologies, no I'm sorry, No "it will never happen again." You get out and don't look back."
You're so right Clay. The original version of the post listed the region these men came from, however, I removed that and went out of my way to leave it unsaid due to the wide-ranging nature of this affliction. We grew up in a quiet little neighborhood, in a quiet little city, until a deluge of people from a different culture arrived in the early 90's. In our little town, we began to notice an "ownership" of women we'd never seen before coming from a group known for extreme macho behavior. No one had ever hit my Mother or called her his "property," so I was shocked to see the women from this region accept it.
What continues to astound me is why an informal background check isn't done. Ask his ex-wife or girlfriends what kind of man he was. If he's a batterer, don't even get started with him. Time and time again, I heard pregnancy as the reason for staying. The men admitted they got them pregnant on purpose to tie them to the man.
The key is for her to find out what kind of person he is before the relationship begins.
The girl with the fire extinguisher was my neighbor. She was raised in this I'm just a woman culture and repeatedly asked me and the others to call the police for her. We were concerned for the kids, yet, when they showed up, all we heard was don't arrest my husband! The police would get mad at us for calling them, so we all met and decided no more. She had to learn to break those chains herself.