What They Forgot To Tell Me About The 'Joys' Of Motherhood--Comedy Open Mic Round 13 Entry

Most mothers will say that motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened in their lives, and you can see that they really mean it with all that cutesie photos they share. However, they have a deep dark secret they don't normally share on social media--the messier and a lot more emotional side of motherhood. When I became a mother, it felt like I was finally a part of a secret society where everything made sense what it means to be truly a mother.

It's Possible To Love Someone You've Never Met Before

If someone asked me if it's possible to love someone you don't know and have never met two years ago, I would have immediately answered with a resounding 'No!' Well, that was before I got pregnant. Nobody can ever explain to you how much love you'll feel for that speck of life growing inside your womb until you experience it for yourself. So, yes. It is possible to feel unconditional love for someone you haven't met yet.

Your Perspective And Priorities In Life Will Change

Yes, it's true. I used to have so many plans for my career--but it all changed after giving birth. Now, everything I do, I do it with my child in mind. Promotion at work didn't mean much to me anymore, especially if that means taking more of my time away from my son. In fact, I even gave up my career so I can take care of my son--which is something I told myself I'd never do. Actually, I thought it was just me, but I've met other mothers who were also ready to give up their careers at a moment's notice if it becomes necessary.

A Raving Lunatic, You Will Become

I was born on a February and we Februarians are known for our nasty mood swings--but that doesn't compare to the mood swings compelled by motherhood. One minute I'm laughing and the next I'm screaming my head off because of something my kid did--then feel guilty because I screamed. Five minutes later, I'm laughing then screaming again--like a crazy woman! And the cycle continues. Whew! Extreme mood swings take a lot of energy.

Going An Adventure Of A Lifetime--A.K.A. Co-Sleeping With A Toddler

If you don't co-sleep with your toddler, you should. It's actually quite fun. There are days when a random fist or foot will suddenly land on your face while you sleep. Fun!

It boggles the mind how someone so small can take up so much space on the bed.

This would have been a really sweet moment--except he was sitting on my neck and slowly choking me to death.

Who Knew That It's Such A Dangerous Profession?

Never have I ever been punched, kicked, scratched, and bitten in my life--until now. Who knew that someone so little can pack a punch? Nobody said that being a mother is like entering a wrestling match that you can never win--because you can't fight back.

Sleep Is For The Weak

They said that a baby's sleep patterns start to normalize at around 6 months to 1 year old. Some lucky parents actually have babies who sleep like angels. Me? Of course, nothing is ever that easy for me. My son still doesn't sleep peacefully through the night. He'd still wake up in the middle of the night asking for milk. I don't know. Maybe those parents with perfect little angels saved the world in their past lives that's why they are so blessed. Me, on the other hand...I probably tried to destroy it that's why I'm being punished with sleep deprivation. I'd be lucky to have 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Even on days when my sister promises to keep an eye on my son while I take a nap, this still happens...

I'm just gonna cover my cellulite. I'm sure you don't want to see that either, especially if you're eating. lol

Who needs sleep anyway?

Who Knew I Can Do So Much With My Feet?

As a mother who has no help around the house, I quickly learned to do everything myself. Even picking things up from the floor while carrying a baby. It took some practice but I finally perfected the pick-throw-catch move. I pick up an object with a foot, throw it in the air, and pray that I catch it with my one free hand. I got so used to using my feet that I was even able to change the bedding while carrying a sleeping baby--and did not wake him up! Achievement unlocked!

Motherhood Is Not An Exam You Can Prepare For

There are tons of parenting class for first-time parents you can join or you can read all the parenting books you can get your hands on but the sad reality remains. No amount of preparation can ever really truly prepare you for the magnitude of your role and responsibilities as a parent, especially as a mother.

Eating Out Will Be Your Greatest Challenge

Bringing a toddler to a restaurant is never a good idea. You will spend 99% of your time NOT eating. Every time we eat out, our son finds it the most convenient time to take a nap.

Well, my suffering was partly my fault because I forgot to bring his carrier. But, really? My husband just had to order spaghetti! Argh! What a mess!

What's that? It gets better? Well, now that he's older, he likes to run around the restaurant--checking what other diners are eating and playing tag with the staff. Sooo...uhm...yeah. I don't think 'it gets better' is the right phrase to use. You'll just have to resign yourself to the fact that you will be the designated 'finisher'--finisher of leftovers--because you only get to eat after everybody else is done so they can watch over your kid while you eat.

Motherhood Is A 24/7 Job

My friends and I were just having a chat about how exhausting it is to be a mom. My friend even jokingly asked if she could resign from being a mother. Of course, that's not possible. lol. Motherhood is a 24/7 job without sick or vacation leaves. And, nope. There's no retirement for us, either.

And just when you thought you've it all figured out--the dog poops--the baby steps on it--and walks all over the floor you just cleaned. Aaah...the joys of motherhood.

If I'm going to list down all of my realizations as a mother, this post will never end. But, I guess, the most important realization I've had is that motherhood is the most difficult job in the world but also the most rewarding.

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This is my entry for @comedyopenmic's comedy open mic round 13. Thank you @beeyou for letting me know about this contest. I nominate @guri-gure and @filnette to join the contest.

@chineyes