No, you're not making it up. I see a different spark in your eyes. I have No self identity for vaguely similar reasons. You know i have problems , I've mentioned it to you before. Loving yourself means you know you are of value and self worth. When you doubt the value or don't see it you wont have self love. I can't honestly say i have much love for myself. But hope to one day. I don't know how. Congrats on your self journey. You're awesome