How Steemit is Leading Me to Forgiveness
We all know Steemit is a game changer and is literally transforming and enriching peoples’ lives right before our eyes. This is a beautiful time to be living in – in more ways than one.
A lot of people talk about inviting friends and family to Steemit to share the wealth and improve the community as a whole. That, too, is beautiful.
The functional, synergic nature of a normal, healthy family is beautiful as well. I can appreciate the magnificence of a strong, connected family so long as it’s someone else’s family; I’m merely looking in from the outside.
Photo source: pixabay.com
In reality, I feel like vomiting when I think of my family.
You see, after admiring the beauty of a family, I’m forced to wake up and pinch myself so I can return to what I shamefully describe as my reality. I use the word shamefully because I know I have a role I should be playing in changing my reality, but simply haven’t because it’s too easy to blame other people for my stagnation and stubborness.
It’s difficult to have a warm and fuzzy feeling for people I can’t bring myself to forgive. I hold so much antagonistic resentment in my heart, toward my mother in particular, that I no longer have any desire to be a part of a happy, white picket fence type of family.
The harsh, honest truth is I don’t want my family here at all. Or anywhere near me for that matter. Except my son, who of course is already here on Steemit. You can find him here: @alex-icey.
I doubt my family would have any interest in Steemit or would even care to be here, but that isn’t the point. The point is that this particular theme struck a chord with me and is preparing me for a future behavioral change.
Photo source: pixabay.com
What I’m starting to realize is that it matters very little what my family did to betray, condescend, and abandon me. I won’t go into details, but I could talk all day about the blasphemous nature of their actions. By doing so each passing day, I am continuing to destroy myself by denying them my forgiveness and I recognize this self-destructive pattern needs to change. I also recognize I can’t allow this anger and resentment to be passed on to my son. The cycle has to stop. I have to find the courage to forgive them – for my own sake and for my son's sake, regardless of whether they care or not. It takes far too much energy for me to continue holding a grudge against my mother, who I haven’t spoken to in nearly 7 years.
I’m currently mustering up the necessary strength to forgive. It’s taking me some time because I don’t want my forgiveness to be stemmed in guilt, but rather from a genuine desire to let go of my resentment. I’ll never forget, but I can forgive.
Steemit always leads me to ponder the most seemingly unrelated things, but what else might you expect from @cali-girl? :)
The grass is always greener looking in from the outside @cali-girl. There is no such thing as a "normal," "healthy" family.
Each family unit regardless of its origins or geographical location has its own set of unique dysfunctions and shortcomings.
Not to underrate that which you have personally gone through, as there are certainly many levels of dysfunction that border on the truly insane.
That said, you appear stationed on the right track toward your own salvation for the benefit of yourself and your son.
My best wishes and prayers to you both - I can tell by your post here, that all is going to turn out just fine for the both of you.
I realize no family is perfect, but mine takes the cake...
Thanks for your comment @passion-ground. Nice to see you again. :)
Well then, you might as well have your cake and eat it too... (he-he) I would venture to guess that more people than you might imagine are feeling the very same way. Nice to see you again as well... ;)
Just accept them as they are and forgive for doing all the stuff that you cannot forget. You should be grateful to them just for one thing all the time - they made out of you the person that you are now.
They did it!
And their influence on you made you being you
Basically, they did good thing with bad actions. =) At least, you can turn the situation as benefit to you.
Just try to tell them "Thank you" for that with the heart full of forgiveness and you'll get shocked with the result later on.
BUT it doesn't mean that you should forget whom you're dealing with. Turning your cheecks to get slapped is useless thing to do, I'd say =)
Learning to forgive is a very big part of our earthly experience.
Looking back over many of the old pictures that recently came my way because of people passing on, most of my family members from my early years do not look very happy. Those times were very difficult. Things have become much better for me and I hope that they do for you as well.
It is difficult to say what changes and makes a shift for people, each one of us is different, but life is short. To short to hold grudges for years imho.
I've noticed that about old family pictures I've seen over the years, too.
Grudges are debilitating, for sure. Thanks for your kind words. :)
I don't think that the white picket fenced family actually exists. You have to make due with the hand that you are dealt. This is great advice not only for family situations but in life. If you can learn to be happy even if others try to bring you down, you will be more successful and content.
Darryl
That's solid advice!
Forgive for your own sake, but don't feel bad about keeping toxic people away from you and especially your son. My dad is toxicly narcissistic and has a thousand crimes he'll never take responsibility for. I don't hate him, I just feel sorry for him, but I also won't let him back into my life.
Oh yes, I agree. I highly doubt I will let her back into our lives...
I do not know about forgivness...I do not think I forgave my mother...But I accepted her. I accepted all of it. I let go of "could have been" and stoped asking myself why, etc. I just took it all. This was a part of me, just one road I had to take. I mean looking at myself now I'm doing great....she contributed in building me...I accepted her as she is...right after that it was like a huge burden was lifted of my chest. This is it. This is who she is and how she operates. But the thing is we try to hard in fighting, proving our points and well honestly...whining about the damage that was done to us and trying so hard to change that person. We want them to see through our eyes and think like we think. But it will never happen. She is who she is. She will not fall on her kness and ask for forgivenes or whatever you are looking for. Took me ages to realise I had to change my pattern and so she was forced to change hers. Took me ages to simply accept her and her ways and accept that she will never change and the past is the past.
Belive it or not....we kinda get along great now. I mean I went shopping with her just today and this was a woman who was physically and emotionaly abusive to me through most of my life.
It's good that you found something that works for you. Has she any clue that you struggled to forgive her and opted to simply accept her instead? Or did you just jump back into a relationship with her?
We didn't have a grand talk like you see in the movies....i think these are strictly reserved for the movies and not real life. :) Our circle was more or less arguing and blaming each other, then quiet spells, me throwing accusations, etc...so no. I didnt iniciate any talks...I simply refused to fuel her and bite the bait (think thats the hardest). It is hard to sum up everything in one comment. Lets just say when she started her thing I just said: you are right and left it at that. So eventually she had to change her pattern too.
I cut that umbilical cord at age 24 (tho I moved out at 21)...im 34 now...It now looks like a click in time but it was a long process. My mother is a lemon...she will never be a pear, she will never be a mango or grapes. A lemon. You can try and sqeeze and make lemonade...but it will still be sour. So stop looking for sweetnes in a lemonade. She is who she is. I am not saying accept your mother in your embrace and do each-others nails. I'm just saying let her go in your mind. When you do that ...the rest follows. All the sournes she dishes out doesn't matter no more.
I do hope you find your way...cuz as u have said:
It is tiredsome....while at times it may feel like fuel to you...its fake fuel.
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Seven years is a long time. Do you feel like you want to talk to your mom now or just forgive from a distance?
Probably forgive from a distance, but I'm not entirely sure.
For me - I miss my mom who is gone now. I was not very close with her when she was alive and regret that. Now - my son will barely speak to me - so the circle comes around. Families are hard - no two ways about it. I hope your are having a good day today - this is how long it took me to catch up on comments after two days off :)
Keep trying... I'm sure your son will come around when he's a bit older. How old is he again?
25 :) I got lost from my comments lol.