My Trouble With Unrealistic Beauty Standards
There is a saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” , but what if your eyes need glasses? I recently wrote an article about how I prefer not to look at extremely beautiful people because it makes me feel ugly and inadequate, but at the same time my mixed up brain has standards of beauty which are way too high for potential partners. I was watching a video yesterday , that at face value is just a funny skit made by a comedian, but it actually tells a telling story of our society today. For men and probably women as well, our standards of beauty have risen substantially. For me, I often will find small little things about someone and completely push off the possibility of being with them for essentially a tiny imperfection that makes me unattracted to them. In the long run I end up chasing girls that are beautiful and vain, who hardly give me the time of day because im not up to their standards of beauty, which just makes me depressed. The cycle continues over and over again with no exit and just continuous heartbreak. I need to somehow figure out how I can force myself to lower my standards of physical beauty so I can find someone who is more beautiful on the inside.
Im not sure where this level of raised beauty standards comes from, perhaps its from the entitlement my generation has or perhaps another factor. I think definitely society’s beauty standard has been changed more this generation, with Hollywood, advertising, social media ect. than any others, just based off the sheer amount of content we now consume on a daily basis compared to the generations in our past. We have apps like instagram where you can look at pictures of near nude models all day on the go without being judged as a pervert, because they are “artistic” photos. This just adds to this level of belief that every guy should have a beautiful model as a girl friend even if they are out of shape, unkept and living in their mom’s basement.
I see posts on 4 chan where people will talk about the smallest flaws in girls who are absolutely stunning physically, like they would never be with them because of one minor flaw. For example if you remember the Megan Fox toe thumb controversy that was going happening in the past. In some way this ideology has rubbed off on me as I have come to realize I hold the same unrealistic beauty standards for women that I shouldn’t. I have said before that I don’t want to be this way, I wish that I could turn on a switch and just see everyone as physically beautiful in their own way, but my brain is stopping that from happening.
I have such a love hate relationship with female beauty that it perplexes me. On one side, looking at really beautiful women makes me a little depressed because I feel like they would never be with me and I cant just appreciate the beauty of them, but on the other hand I want to be with a beautiful women as much as the next guy. If I could untangle this mess in my mind then I would, but I am finding it near impossible. I think for me the major factor of why I am obsessed with higher beauty standards is because of the pornography I consume. Im not consume massive amounts of it, but it definitely raises your standard of beauty and puts in stone what the human body should look like, which to my brain, registers as “this is the only way to look that is acceptable”. It creates a false standard of beauty that the majority of the population can not achieve, which leaves a large portion feeling left out. With people today becoming exposed to porn at such a young age as well, their young minds still in development learn these falsehoods and take them as reality, going on to sometimes live an unhappy and unfulfilling life without women.
Although physical beauty is a very important part of a relationship, I feel as if I am putting much more importance on it as I should and missing out on people who are truly beautiful on the inside. I think that our standards of beauty have risen to a level that is unreasonable for many of people in the younger generation. If you have had the same trouble, or have an experience to share, I would love to hear it. Any suggestions on how I can get over this would be amazing as well. I hope all of you are doing well and thanks as always for reading!
-Calaber24p
Quite the interesting article here @calaber24p. Being on the female side of the picture, I totally get it. Everywhere I look, there are beautiful women whom I envy. Seems they get much further in life than those like me (regular Jane). I don't consider myself much to look at (tall, thin and big blue eyes). I spent my school age years being called many names (ugly, scarecrow, bitch, and many other names). Had my share of hair pulling, spit on, trash thrown at me. It took me a long time to build a little bit of self esteem. I almost have fully given up on finding my soul mate. If it happens, yay me and if not, my life will go on.
I have had people tell me I am not ugly, including from friends whom are beautiful in my eyes. People need to realize that beauty is on the INSIDE not outside. I do have to apologize for not having my profile photo out yet. I truly hope this story lets you see, you are not alone.
I've never thought seriously about the issue. I heard the standard of physical beauty depends upon how old I am. I'm not sure of it. If it's true the standard of beauty will be changed as time goes by.
I am speaking as a 44 year old women and know that I need more in life than a good looking man who is toned. You need companionship and a certain amount of compatability. I know men my age goes for much younger women and the reason for this is beauty. It will all depend what you as an individual have come to know about yourself and what you truly need to be happy. Lets face it beauty fades, if that is all you went for then you are in trouble. Womens bodies change after childbirth and again after 40 the permenant downward swirl. You can help an over weight lady become skinny but you cannot change a nausty personality. Good luck.
This article made me pretty sad! I agree with everything. But I am a woman of many flaws. And I appreciate my boyfriend for loving me anyway.
I'm chubby, Covered in scars, I've got some nasty stomach ones, and My body as a whole isn't perfect. I have a crooked smile, and I stutter sometimes.
But I can be one hell of a good friend that can help motivate you and help you be your best! A great work ethic. And other things,
Many women like me aren't appreciated. It's sad really, Hopefully you can work on your unrealistic beauty standards. Hopefully men and women can improve how they see the opposite sex with newer, more realistic models are coming out.
I totally agree with You. In fact u r my first reply I haven't even written my first blog but it's going to be about accepting yourself the way u r
Real men like curves.
The idea of beauty is reinforced based on societal preference. That said, world being more connected nowadays, and the media peddling certain looks, I'm not even sure if anymore if it's a free-market preference, but there are somewhat certain features that I personally gravitate to. But I think what is actually at play is the exploitation of taste, which simply means what we're lacking and yearning for. Like what a friend said before may have certain truth to it - "Since everybody can be good, my as well go for the hot one", but I beg to differ since beauty can really turn around once you're close enough and that person turns out to be a pain in the ass (which happens more often than not after some time).
If you think it's hard being ugly, try being good looking. Who's outnumbered? People get bullied as kids for being both odd looking and not so odd looking. The bigger ones usually win the fights.
Myself, I'm a fit male. I've been this way my entire life and for the most part, not on purpose. When I was young, I was skinny. Even today some people think I'm thin. They tell me to gain weight, eat. ...I probably eat more than they do.
I mean no harm. Without rambling on forever I'd just like to point something out. The thing many people in this world are jealous of, the thing they typically assume is done on purpose... is not all it's cracked up to be.
Don't worry about yourself. One's trash is another person's treasure. You'll never please everyone no matter how hard you try, so don't bother. Go with what feels natural. Have a good day.
Age neutralizes all.
LoL!
whoops let that one slip by me.
it is not just standards going up, but actual beauty is going into the toilet. have you seen obesity rates? and now most of everybody thinks it is their duty to mutilate themselves as much as possible with their diet, tattoos, and piercings. i saw someone with wine corks in their ears. i don't think it has much to do with my standards. as much as people are going out of their way to uglify themselves, the majority are even worse inside, ignorant, spiteful, deceitful and vindictive. it is not everyone, but i'm tired of looking. i don't need a scrawny chick who runs screaming at the sight of a burger, but someone who isn't actively trying to destroy themselves would be nice.
Resteemed!