My Anxiety Disorders and Using Illegal Drugs to Aid Them?
If you are not one of my very old readers you might not know that I suffer from a panic attack disorder and have ever since before I was in highschool. I used to not be able to stay in a classroom for more than 10 minutes or else I would go into a full blown panic attack because I felt trapped. If you have never had a panic attack before, let me tell you it is one of the worst things you can experience in a public situation. For me I would get extremely hot, feel like I was going to throw up, start sweating perfusely and usually have to run to the bathroom.
Over time this has spread into more and more phobias, most notably a fear of losing control of my body. Because of this I use no substances that would make me feel out of control or “weird” like alcohol, marijuana or even caffeine. I take medication prescribed from a doctor and have for going on eight years but they mostly just numb my feelings. They have worked in what they were designed for, stopping my panic attacks, but I feel as if I am now missing out on life.
I have memories, remnants of feelings that were good like waking up on Christmas morning, but I no longer feel that happiness inside me. Now that I am entering the workforce, I am coming with the side effects that make me extremely tired and unable to completely get through the day like a normal person. The medication was always supposed to be short term but somehow it is continued through all this time. I have tried to go off it multiple times but failed each time, with a few times in particular setting my progress back months.
Recently I have been looking at research that uses illegal drugs like LSD to possibly treat disorders like panic disorders and to be honest I am very tempted to try them. I am a hypochondriac in many ways and one of my biggest fears would be stuck on LSD for a long period of time and have a neverending panic attack. However at this point in my life I am willing to risk that for potentially a normal life. I have dreams of traveling the world and yet I am terrified of getting on an airplane. This isn’t the life I desired and I am slowly realizing that.
I have also heard of a more intense treatment of using Ayahuasca, a drug usually found in the Amazon which causes the user to hallucinate and vomit, but has a very high rate of approval amongst users. Many people will book a trip to a center in the Amazon and experience this trip with a guide. It can be dangerous but from what I have read, it has changed many peoples outlook on life after a few times. Ive done therapy for 5 years and never gotten to the root of any problems which is why I would consider trying these extreme measures.
I am wondering if anyone has any opinions on using these types of drugs for similar situations or if they have worked out any problems for you. I would love to hear real stories from people on Steemit or any stories of people they know who have done it. I want to get better, but I just don’t know how.
I feel as that these drugs should be not only be available from dangerous and illegal sources. The criminalization of things like MDMA and LSD put many users seaking help into harms way because of the exposure to the unregulated, illegal market.
Decriminalize the drugs. Ensure people get the drug they expect - at the dose they need. The mantras should be harm reduction, not criminalization.
I've been reading your posts since last year and can definitely relate to and empathize with having a panic disorder and associated depression. I'm truly sympathetic that you feel numb to life as a side-effect of medications which, for better or for worse, at least help you function. But it sounds like you want to do so much more than just "function"—and for good reason, of course.
I recently attended the Psychedelic Science 2017 conference which featured research findings from various studies related to psychedelics, including several on treating depression and anxiety. Recordings of the presentations were recently uploaded and I highly suggest watching a few, most especially the panel discussion on MDMA for PTSD (Rachel Hope's story was very moving), LSD microdosing, all of the ketamine presentations and any others related to treating depression with the use of various psychedelics such as ayahuasca, psilocybin, LSD, etc. Here's a link to the conference recordings:
https://www.youtube.com/user/mapsmdma/playlists
I do advise caution in opening Pandora's Box, so to speak, of experimenting with psychedelics to treat anxiety. It can absolutely make things worse, especially in the short-term, and bring painful memories and feelings to light. That said, I would be nowhere near as functional, productive and creative as I am today without the responsible use of these compounds. Personally, I've found the greatest psychological benefit and smallest risk of anxiety when using either ketamine or MDMA. "Classic" psychedelics (other than mescaline, but it's difficult to procure) are more likely to make me feel anxious or overwhelmed at times, and it’s fairly common for tryptamines to lead to difficult experiences in many users. Also, depending on what your medications are, it would be prudent to research any potential contraindications.
Lastly, although it's not a psychedelic, kratom seems safe to take regularly and can be very helpful for improving mood regulation as a potential alternative to psychiatric medications, but your mileage may vary.
Anyhow, this was a really long post, but all of this is to say that I truly wish you the best and hope that soon you won't need to refer to hazy memories of a happier childhood, and that you can instead feel a remission from your struggle while on a new path to sustained happiness.
I look forward to reading your upcoming posts about your journey!
I have experience with LSD, Psilocybin Mushrooms and DMT. For me personally they were extremely effective at treating my depression, however initially they may actually increase anxiety, this is because they hit you with reality and you cant avoid it, you just have to accept it which is part of healing. Also look into micro-doses as they are very effective and I believe they are safer than shamanic doses. I will be writing about this on my blog soon! check my post from today about stress and anxiety https://steemit.com/health/@the3i1/effective-strategies-to-help-manage-stress-and-anxiety
I've read some very interesting articles on micro dosing with LSD, sounds like the governments should allow scientists & doctors to trial it properly... but full doses can cripple you with anxiety if, like me, you already suffer. Some acid trips I'd had in my youth were ok, great even, but many many were a bad experience. Not sure I'd go there again.
I agree, a bad experience can leave you very traumatized, I've been there as well. In my opinion, micro doses are just as effective as larger doses with less risk of worsening your mental health. Also micro doses can be combined with other stress relieving activities such as yoga or meditation to maximize efficiency.
Couldn't agree more with @the3i1 and @azurejasper. @calaber24p it hit home reading your story about social anxiety and panic attacks. I too from a very young age had those same panic attack experiences and was diagnosed with depression as well. Luckily I was never prescribed Ritalin or any other over the counter drugs, my mom was really against it. My parents got divorced and I was the mediator between them for awhile so it wasn't up to my dad too much. She knew the last thing I needed was a stimulant or depressant and that I just liked to be alone and outside or on the computer most of the time and was cool with that. Years later Skateboarding and getting stoned saved my depression and gave me a reason appreciate anything while I was a young teen.
Later in my 20's it came back bad while I was working in an office everyday. Smoking pot everyday was starting to make my anxiety worse so I tried LSD at 22 and MDMA at 25. One of the best decisions I ever made. For days, weeks, and months after I trip I have the sense or purpose and focus. It's helped me work toward the things I believe in and now its a part of my routine. I try to take 1 or a half tab of LSD and 0.075 mg of MDMA once every month. Kind of works out to be Tripping every other weekend - it's great lol
For your first time I would suggest a tiny bit less of MDMA I described. MDMA can feel much like LSD's Euphoria with out the sense of confusion that can bring anxiety. Any thing under 0.1mgs is within the Non-leathal/toxic level. I prefer to take them alone doing something I'm very comfortable with like watching a movie, drawing, or gaming. Being out side on them is the best if you've got a safe backyard or a friend to partner up with. Any public setting I highly suggest you use the buddy system and never venture out tripping on the street alone! Your far too nice on them and impressionable on them. If your in your house you'll figure out what you want to do pretty fast when it starts to set in.
The biggest thing I learned taking them for the first time was that I never lost a sense of who I was - even at the most intense moments. If anything I learn more and more about myself every time I get to go back to the light ;)
I have a friend who's done ayahuasca a few times ("a horizontal experience") and recommended it. He did it in the UK. But I don't know, his experiences sounded like a really bad LSD trip to me. Not sure I'd like to go there, especially with all the vomiting.
edit: I'd like to add that I also have terrible anxiety, which has gotten worse over the years. I get panic attacks, sometimes out of nowhere, but yeah, not sure I'd go this down route... maybe it'd be just the thing, but makes me freakout thinking about how terrible it could be.
I recently blogged a way of cutting down on Cannabis but have my difficulty because I use it to tackle anxiety and panic attacks and early morning illness such as vomitting or loss of apetite. I haven't dabbled with other drugs but don't want to take prescribed drugs. https://steemit.com/marijuana/@crypto-curt/cutting-down-on-cannabis
I have no knowledge regarding this kind of disorder but somehow there is a cause for it. In the philippines , we don't have much facilities and even skilled individual to treat this kind disorder. What is known to us is that everytime we have problem of this sort (not exactly the same disorder), we intend to indulge in joyful activities because we believe happiness is the best medicine.
Can you share the reason why you have that disorder? If you dont mine.
Hi calaber24p,
I am not sure how many different things you've tried and if you're still willing to try more alternatives, but I still would suggest you to look up 'Manasmitra Vatakam' it's an ayurvedic medicine for all ailments related to the mind and has beaten Allopathic drugs like clonazepam in clinical trails. From what I have heard from it's users is that it takes its time to work, but if you're willing to battle it out and stay on it for sometime then you will start to see results. And most importantly there are no documented side effects. I humbly suggest you look it up.
These treatments are becoming researched more and more by major Universities.