Guest post by @crystalll; Domestic violence

Domestic violence? What comes to your mind when you hear this? Is it just the dictionary meaning or the emotion behind the act? What really is it and what's the reason being it? Do we have to always blame it on something bigger than we can explain? An evil spirit that takes control? Alcohol? Drugs? Or is it a decision that a person consciously takes and adheres to!

In relationships abuse has become something to be reckoned with, most persons; not only the men now abuse their partners both physically and mentally though I would be sharing more on the physical than mental or emotional!

I don't know about you but I believe that a man who cannot hit a lady when he's sober won't hit her when he's high, a man that has consciously taken a decision not to ever hurt a lady and has abided by it growing up; no matter how high that man is won't hit a lady to the extent of leaving bruises and marks on her skin!

It's actually very funny but I saw a post on Facebook last week where a lady was the one hitting her man, well! That was really surprising to me maybe because in Nigeria it's 99% the other way round… back to the discussion please..

If a person occasionally abuses his partner or is violent towards the partner it is always a larger pattern of control! It didn't just happen, though it started one day definitely but it was nurtured and fed and that's why it grew into a problem…

People who face abuse from their partners may have different reactions to the problem,you might feel angry, afraid, sad or even confused and most persons may blame themselves but understand that you are not to blame; it is not your fault! Most times some women refuse to leave an abusive relationship because of the stigma; especially when you already have children and you do not.want them to grow without their father, you think you're doing it for your children but no you're not! Believe me, one thing you really do not want is having your child; whether male or female grow up in an abusive home because the males may grow up thinking women are supposed to be treated that way and then end up being monsters, most times worse than their fathers and then the females? They may also grow up desiring a man that hits her and end up seeing any man who isn't a lady hitter as not man enough! That's really some sick belief we do not want our children to grow up having! I've heard stories of women who has had miscarriages, home accident like falling of the stairs while being abused by their husbands, please this is not something to keep quiet about, most women even loose their lives in the cause of domestic violence! It is not something to be endured!

Speak up! Set yourself free! Save yourself!