C.H.U.D. Muffins

Dear Brain,

      Thanks for turning a relaxing walk into a fear of imaginary monsters hiding in the storm drain at the end of my street.

Sincerely,
      I was supposed to go home and get some sleep. I didn't and I blame you.

      I can't help where my mind wanders. It goes wherever it damn well pleases and I'm just along for the ride.

      Shadow and I were meandering through my small neighborhood one night, enjoying the peace and the random collections of Christmas kitsch people have up in their yards. To be fair, I was having fun looking at the colored lights. Shadow was preoccupied with how much pee to release on each section of lawn so that he'd have enough for every other house that we'd pass.

      This meant that we made many stops since all of the houses are close together. As Shadow anointed another yard, my mind attempted math. Even when accounting for the apartment buildings, a population of nearly 17,000 was a lot to cram into an area under 2 miles in radius. Which made me wonder if maybe there were mole people living under the streets. The thought of census mailers being slipped underneath the man-hole covers had me chuckling.

      Then I saw the street grate.

Why couldn't I have thought of the Ninja Turtles?

      My brain chose that moment to remind me of a scene from a movie where a woman, out walking her dog alone at night, gets munched on by mutant monsters hiding below the streets. Yup. That's exactly the thought I needed to be having at 4 in the morning while out walking my dog. Alone. Now, the smart thing to do would have been to immediately head home instead of moving in for a photo and peering down inside.

      I've never claimed to be smart.

      An entire soundtrack of 80's synth music was playing in my mind as I tried to get my cell's camera to focus. Thankfully, nothing slithered out to grab my ankle. I took a couple of photos and then Shadow and I beat feet towards home.

      Of course, by then I was awake. After checking the locks on my doors and windows (again) I figured that I may as well watch C.H.U.D.

      If you haven't partaken of this cheesy bit of horror, the acronym stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. There's a second meaning but since that one doesn't have 'cannibalistic' in the name, it's not as memorable. Despite its many flaws: the obvious message (hiding hazardous waste underneath a city full of people is dangerous - who knew?), the bad fight scenes, and (spoiler)the death of a dog, I like the movie.

_{Image by Jack Lawrence via Flickr}
      Christopher Curry plays a police captain who is trying to solve a slew of missing persons cases. There's John Heard as a photographer who wants to help a homeless "undergrounder" who is terrified and claiming that monsters live beneath the city. Daniel Stern, my favorite in this movie, even wrote his own part as A.J. Shepherd. Shep runs a soup kitchen and is worried when his regulars stop showing up. He ventures into the tunnels of N.Y.C. to find that there's something fishy going on and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission is involved. John Goodman even makes an appearance as an officer in the wrong part of the food cycle.

      The behind the scenes story for this cult classic is pretty interesting. Everyone involved in making this low-budget 1984 flick were friends. Shepard Abbot wrote the story, then pulled in Douglas Cheek (to direct) as well as Heard and Stern to act. Stern's wife even makes an appearance. I would love to know how that conversation went. "Hey honey! Want to come into work with me today and be eaten by a sewer mutant?" To advertise the movie's release, they did something that probably wouldn't fly these days. According to Daniel Stern, a bunch of the friends took a stencil and went around New York City spray painting C.H.U.D. (He also has said in an interview that he's written two songs for a C.H.U.D. musical. Can I order a ticket now?)

      My favorite quote: "What, are you kidding? Your man has a camera. Mine has a flamethrower."

C.H.U.D. Muffins

      This is really just an egg 'muffins' recipe. I call them C.H.U.D because... I'll try to explain my thought process here. I was hungry and going to make egg muffins to eat while watching C.H.U.D. The movie has a sequel titled Bud the C.H.U.D. (which is really just a crappy zombie horror/comedy with the C.H.U.D. name slapped onto it). Since I was thinking of things that rhyme with C.H.U.D. and Bud, in came the word "stud". And finally, thanks to Shadow coming into the kitchen to beg for some sausage, to which I said, "Back off of my C.H.U.D. Muffins!", that's why you have this long post that could probably have been summed up in five or so paragraphs. Blame my brain. I do.

While prepping, pretend that you're hosting a cooking show. The food will taste better.

Recipe Link

      Has anyone else seen C.H.U.D.? Do you like to have a snack while watching a movie? If so, is it typically the same thing or anything that you happen to have in your kitchen?

With guacamole, mustard, and sriracha - These look like they came from a sewer.

Squirrel World GIF by @Omra-sky. Thank you!