Toxic Healers, Teachers, and Coaches

in #life5 years ago (edited)

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When I first moved to Asheville, I was really wounded. I really needed help. I also really wanted to experience ALL the spiritual things. So I went to Shamanic Journey Circles and Ancestral Healings and Akashic Records readings.

And here's what I found out:
There's a lot of toxicity in the spiritual/self help world. It's not because they're more toxic. It's just because there's a lot of toxicity in the world.

It's also because if you have something to teach it's because you went through it yourself. A good healer is a wounded healer. We learn from healing our own shit.

Nobody's perfect. Spiritual people and coaches want to portray themselves as such. They put on a squeaky clean image and don't swear and use lofty language and don't want you to see their imperfections. But they're there. Of course they're there.

When you go to a healer or a teacher, you're in a very vulnerable situation. You want help. You're putting your trust in them. Sometimes that trust inflates their egos. Sometimes narcissists and sociopaths deliberately choose the role of healer so that they can take advantage of people's vulnerabilities, trust, and desperation.

Usually they're just human and their toxicity bleeds out.

Here are a few of my stories:
I had one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life at that ancestral healing. The next time I attended one of his events he belittled and condescended me in front of the group and made disparaging political comments that were specifically aimed at me. I was then pushed out of the email list.

My yoga teacher who I deeply admired and who is a magical woman who lead me through some truly profound spiritual experiences projected a lot of stuff at me in hysteria, yelling and accusing me of not valuing her time because I asked her to tea.

Another yoga teacher was so harsh about payment when I was broken by my dad's heart stopping unexpectedly after not talking to him for five years that I felt like a three-year-old girl and cried that gulping, gasping for air cry alllll night.

The Akashic Records reader flippantly crushed my dream and embarrassed me in front of a big group of strangers leaving me sobbing and hopeless.

tldr; there's a lot of condescension and belittling from teachers to students.

You can't trust everyone with your life. You can't bare yourself in front of just anyone no matter what role they're taking on.

ANY relationship takes time to build trust. My "mistake" was that I gave it too soon.

Now I stick with only the best.

There are a lot of people running around who want to be life coaches. A lottt of clueless people who've done nothing in life.

There are a lot of mean healers.

There are a lot of male teachers who don't respect women.

There are a lot of yoga teachers who are looking to have sex with the young beautiful yogis. I've definitely had my boobs stared at and been flirted with.

There are a lot of people who don't treat you with the utmost respect and kindness.

A lot of them.

And there are many who are truly spectacular healers. Those are the ones I'll trust myself to.

People are always asking me if I'll trade my services for an energy healing with them or if they can give me a free healing service of one kind or another, and nowdays my answer is always no.

Because I have one healer outside of myself who I've been working with for six and a half years, and more importantly I have myself. I am my healer. I am my teacher. I have everything I need inside me.

And that's why I teach. I know that You Are Your Own Healer. I know that society trained all of your intuition and guidance out of you, and I teach you how to find it and listen to it again. I'm here to facilitate your healing and awakening journey and help you get where you want to be. I know the stages of healing. I've been through it ad nauseum.

There are toxic people in all walks of life.

Be careful who you trust your heart to. Be careful who you bare your self to. I know it's really hard when you need help and you don't know how to help yourself and you desperately want someone to take your hand and guide you and help you. Let a healer or teacher prove themselves to you. Go with your gut. Go with someone who you feel a deep resonance with. If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.

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I would say it’s no less rife than any other industry, mind. However the consequences can be more disastrous because healers/gurus/etc are mucking around with peoples’ emotional and psychological vulnerabilities.

Any time I experience a ‘toxic healer’ I always apply an alchemical approach.... can I turn this shit into gold?!

I ask myself, “OK, so what have I learned from this? What will I do differently next time?”

Another useful thing I’ve done is play devil’s advocate with myself.

“What if this teacher/healer was right? What if my reaction was the problem?”

A few times I realised I was pissed because I’d been taken to a rather uncomfortable edge.

But then a few times I’ve also come to realise that no, I wasn’t imagining things, they really were sociopaths and greedy pricks!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had some crappy experiences. But then it also sounds like you’ve also developed a great sense of your own boundaries, and learned also how not to be like that in your own work!!!


Posted using Partiko iOS

Bingo! Perception is everything! And that's ultimately what I'm guiding people through in my Toxicity Overhaul Program.

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

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