Death Is Here
I'm in the midst of battling with a very old story of lack - one that I've been grappling with for a long time. It's reached an apex where I cannot accept it in my life anymore. The old story is so compelling and it pulls at me - the unworthiness, the fear, the not having anything to go on but this story. And it's so in my face.
I can't even muster trust, because how long have I been trucking towards this illusive abundance?
Beyond that, a deep, deep unease is triggered. One that I've never been able to be fully present with and resign myself to. Until now. I'm uneasy about being a human. It seems so hard to me. It's a deep spiritual longing - a crisis. And there's a peace in resigning myself to it rather than to keep battling it like I always have. I can't do it anymore.
Death is here.
The only peace to be found is in my connection and presence with eternal consciousness. My ego is a hell-ish place to be.
The ego is in a crisis. Holding on for dear life, the struggle - it's suffocating. It cries out in fear as this age-old story is repeated. It's also the creator of this story.
It'll be alright. But it will never be the same. I'm not going back.
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Nothing should be ok, and nothing should have been ok. We create standards that indoctrinate how our lives should have been, The problem is not with what form our lives had taken for a certain time but with the form in our minds that we want life to take. Life is somehow random in essence, It is not obligated to follow certain and predefined procedure as our minds/egos want it.
We can't suffer the lack of something we never believe ours and it is reliving to maintain a mental image of ourselves without it.