Trying To Tell Cancer To F**K OFF. Learning To Living With Pain

in #life2 years ago (edited)

You know that when you have Cancer the exteniuating medical issues over shadow the actual Cancer that is killing me. I also have a condition now that is actually not known to people and those tests came back as unspecified crystals and that it requires me to take meds just to be able to bend my hands, walk or actually function. I have very few good days these last few months but when I do it takes rest the prior days and mental strength to enjoy those few good days. This past Monday was a good day and I got to enjoy a resort in Mexico where my Babylooo's brother and his family was staying. What no one understands is that because the odd day is good they do not realize the pain inside that I hide in order to make some days enjoyable. I am so happy that my Love can tell when things are starting to affect me and makes the adjustments in the day in order for it to continue or to end the day. Her ability and her knowledge of me make it seem like she is telepathic but its just hat we are connected in life so perfectly. The problem is the bad days far outweigh the good days. When one suffers this way their mind tends to play tricks on them. If not for the love I have and we share I would have ended life myself a long time ago. Now You all need to understand that if any of you have family suffering from a incurable illness, Be patient and understanding.

There are the days when the pain is so intense that I literally lose all patience. There are the days when accidents happen and I am not proud of any of them. Issues with controlling things if you get what I mean. The meds also make a person irratable, cranky and at times miserable as hell.

I was told now that I am one of the longest people to take this one drug called Prednisone. It has caused me its own issues. It destroys calcium in the body. Because of this as I have said before I have broken teeth, mouth tumors and excruitating pain. I am now also taking serious amounts of CBD oil so that I can kick the OXY-Codone pills. These pills take my mental state to being a complete asshole at times.

I am unsure if there is a cure for any of this but the Doctors seem to keep pushing the pills instead of actually helping me. I am venting here so you all know that I am sorry for not responding to some comments at times. I truly value your friendship that you have shown me and @lynncoyle1 here. I feel honored to say that all of you are my friends. I also wanted to say that when I got sick I was 230 pounds and as of today I am 126 pounds. I feel like such a dissapointment to many especially my family. I know they understand it is not my fault and actually Lynn especially takes care of me when accidents occur without making me feel so embarressed or ashamed.I am sorry my post is not happy at times and thank you all for reading and letting me vent. I also wanted to thank a few people who helped me try something with @eaglespirit and actually is was covered in cost by @iexplore and @apolymask. I have always tried to thank all of the people here for the friendship and may sometimes miss some names but in my heart you are all there.

Here are a few pics to show you when I was heavy and now





Thank you all from

This is courtesy of @charisma777


Vent until your heart's content. I think you know by now, none of us are going to think any differently about you. You're human...well maybe bordering on superhuman (just a little bit) I know what it's like to live with pain everyday and I cannot imagine how bad yours is.

I'm glad there are good days in there. It's nice when those come along isn't it? I do think you're to hard on yourself. I know I'm stubborn like that too. You do one thing that nobody else does..... you put a smile on your wife's face. Yeah she smiles pretty for the camera, but I bet her smile to you melts your heart.

Hang in there, if not I am going to find more odd festivals just to remind you how weird the world is. I feel like need to make chicken jokes now... see what you created LOL

you made me smile just now, Damn festival. And yes every smile she does make my heart fall in love all over again

Good :) Love the smiles!!

That just sucks, my friend. I'm really sorry. Don't worry about venting. We read your posts because we're your friends and we want to know how you're doing regardless of where you're at. Even if it's a bad day, we want to know. Thank you for sharing. Your strength is amazing to witness and your humility in allowing @lynncoyle1 to serve you is commendable. It's hard not to push people away when we're in difficult times, but normally they'd rather be close to us, even if it's not easy.

Bless you and Lynn, friend!

bless you to my friend..........Clint Eastwood marathon near end of June LOL

Thank you! I just did a Clint Eastwood marathon at the end of December, but maybe I'll do another one with you toward the end of the month. :)

we're your friends and we want to know how you're doing regardless of where you're at. Even if it's a bad day, we want to know.

So true, @themanwithnoname. Thank you.

You know I'm here for you, regardless of what that looks like or what is happening to you physically. That's what love is! <3

I understand that with out any words needing being said. You are my life, my soul, the air I breathe, the sun on my face and the moon when I fall asleep. I just want to say Thank you @lynncoyle1 for being my BEST FRIEND

ahh, you've made that all easy for me to do! Thank you :)

thank you for the mention and i had no idea asher helped. howd you all find out? anyhoo, i hoped it helped and i sent all
the info to your DM. nice to see you writing and having good days. :)

I meant apolymask and fised it lol. Thank you for everything. I am definately thinking more now than ever

i left you more info and i have something else to tell you. go to dm when youre up to it.

Reply, write to us when able to, and don't worry about your inability to do so. I for one am glad and reassured to read each time you you write. ...and don't worry that there is not always the best and complete good news in your writes....they are ok, the way they are, because they are real. And they remind us how much to value what is, and to enjoy every single day, and family.

You might not know it, but yours and Lynn's posts, the story as it has been told and is unfolding, inspire many. I am sure of myself.

Thank you so much for the comment. It makes my days easier and you all help me mentally more hank I can show. Your words also touch my heart as here I feel that people are so real, so geniune.

As @themanwithnoname and @mirrors already said, I'm just so happy whenever you do write, whatever it is you share. Good to hear from you whenever you're up to it. You are both so inspiring.

Bless you, Brian and Lynn. xxx

Thank you my friend. No need to apologize at all. You're such a man of Humility and great Strength. Even when you have these unbelievable obstacles coming out you day and night you still try to apologize.

Always feel free to Vent here among your Steemit friends.

I know how tough it must be when you have something that seemingly no one else can relate too. On a much smaller and less insidious level, I can personally attest/relate to that notion. And can totally empathize with you.

As always Prayers and Thought got out to you and Lynn.

P.S. Btw, love the pics !!

It's not always easy to choose the right words Brian!

You and your best friend and one great love share the good times and the bad together and it is always more than apparent that any cost Lynn bears, is one that is accepted gladly and borne through love and friendship and on more than one occasion, reading between the lines I sense admiration.

I am very pleased that you got to spend the day at a resort and enjoyed the joy of good comany and family. I'm sure the fatigue kicked hell out of you afterwards, but another day of memories in life's scrapbook, right?

That's where the real treaure is amassed in life, not money or property. A life lived well is measured in smiles, laughs and golden memories in love and heartfelt emotion.

Brian we are all assholes at right now you have good reason, right?

I get the reason you mention feeling like a disappointment, but you are a shrewd and smart enough guy to know that those you mention would and could never see you like that.

Don't ever apologise for your posts not all being happy, jaunty affairs...It would be strange if that was the case I am sure you agree? The reason you have my (and many others) respect is the fact you are real and tackle this shit head-on.

For as long as you feel true to your beliefs fight...FIGHT! and grab the good days by the scruff of the neck and make them into what you want them to be!

Much love and the very warmest regards to both halves of your double-act.

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