RE: Hello Steemit... Creative, Talented Writer, and Trade Analyst entering the community (r1)
Wow @pawsdog, respect man, you've been through a lot! I wonder what the nature of the connection is between your 'rage' and the manifestation of the tumour - have you pondered to yourself what experiences they may be born of (reaching back to early childhood 1-7yrs, and re-manifesting through the course of - a clearly high intensity - life)? Just a humble suggestion my friend, I'm not seeking a response on this, I'd say it's prob. way too deep, no? Anyhow, I'm with you on the whole chucking organised religion, dogma, absolutist statements about how things ARE (the external stuff)! With you on that man, but there's still space isn't there, for the stuff that religions purport to lead one to, but never seem to - something along the mystical lines of the realisation of one's own higher self and inner personal creator potentiality & power, in tune and harmoniously aligned with the universe? The power to self-heal IMO, is deeply connected with the understanding of why dis-ease manifests itself, simultaneously releasing all the supressed energies surrounding it, which have been silenced so long that they have no option but to yell and scream and manifest as they may to get your attention.
You appear happy in your relationship - btw a 12 year gap means you guys are prob. the same Chinese horoscope sign - I had a very powerful and healing relationship with the same age-gap(sigh...). Love is deeply healing no? A soft and safe space for a 'hard'(but not really) dude like you :).
Namaste!
Hmmm.. I think rage etc, was the result of biological processes and malfunctioning chemical reactions and interactions. Had to much testosterone, adrenaline, etc. as a result of the fact that it was a hormone producing tumor, ergo it in many ways it led me to act impulsively and on baser instinct.
As for love being healing? No idea, had it once, it left when I got ill, now I have a stop gap on loneliness until death finally does come for me. If the stop gap leaves or heads elsewhere I'll just find another, and another and another till the end, but love my friend, real love is a once and a lifetime event.. everything else is "mehh" at best.. so you deal with it, make the best of it, and wait until you don't have to wait anymore and either give it a shot in the next life, or just turn into dirt, having pretty much lived a "fail life" of romance and game over.
I have loved, wont' do it again... I can, at a moments notice drop everyone; friends (have 0 now in the real word, been peeling those off the last few years being a recluse at home), GF (stop gap), infant daughter (causality of my initial illness) and be perfectly fine, I won't even blink as I move onto a different situation. No need to connect with people that will inevitably betray you, leave you or otherwise fuck you over at some point.. Attachment leads to hurt, detachment leads to "Oh well, next"....
I think I hear what you're saying, it sounds like numbness to innoculate against the disease of feeling, because of, well, the overwhelming pain. I'd say there is likely more to the rage than hormonal disfunction, but that's also just my opinion. Also, for me, real love is unconditional, or it is something else (relatively recent discovery for me). Lastly, to reiterate a point: after disregarding the external (including all other beings who have, might, will - let you down), there is a point of break-through if one is strong and brave enought to face one's own feelings - but without judgement, thereby releasing what's inside!
That's my bit of disagreement with the view stated above, my 2 pennies' worth. I won't push it any further. I hope you may find peace, as well as the beauty that lies on the other side of cynicism - it's real, as I have discovered to my incalculable relief!
That is one way of looking at it.. my way I believe leads to less aggravation in the end. The only person I need to look out for is me..
Hey again - just one more. I'd like to make you a little offering (a gift even?), for you to use or not as you please:
"The only person I need to look out for is me...." sure man, this is connected, I think it's a bit of the 'looking after' part, which seems (IMO) to get less attention! You've nothing to lose, but a perspective shift may be available if you're open to it and it resonates. If not, then you can discard my airy-fairy well-meaning bullshit :)
Thanks for indulging me @pawsdog
Nah, I'll give it a look when I have some time..