The Thing With Advice
I live in a place where everyone has something to say or an advice to give whenever you seem to be in a dilemma or facing a problem. Advice around here isn't so expensive, people just need to figure out that you need that bit of advice and before you know it, you have a ton of them flowing in all direction. and sadly, this act, even though it often comes with the best of intentions, only adds to the problem sometimes.
Giving advice definitely is great, and it really is amazing to see how people around often times are willing to give their "2cents" about an issue, when we hear what people have to say, in the right state, it broadens our perspective and gives us clarity.
These advice clearly are given with the hope to give the receiver or hearer) more clarity. I know, there are a few bits of advice that often are given without the best of motives or intention, but most times, they are.
Often times, we realize that the goal of giving these bits of advice is defeated, probably because it was approached wrongly or because there was a different motive, apart from that which is obvious.
We've been thought about "good" and "bad" advice (and probably how to spot them), the bad, we are supposed to discard them and the good, we are supposed to accept but over the years, I have seen a ton of good advice on a certain issue that is quite different from the other, I have realized that the "good" has so many parts and so also the "bad", it all depends on the angle one chooses to see it from.
Being confused often times isn't the absence of an option or being surrounded by options that aren't so good, it often times is the presence of way too many good options. Now, these good advice given to someone in the hope that it makes things better for them often times ends up adding to their confusion.
A while back, I was at the hair salon and the stylist made a comment about my hair breaking, which I was very much aware of (and had actually started dealing with it). Then, all of a sudden, the other ladies present at the salon all had tips to share, and a "holy grail" product for me to use in other to combat the breakage.
I do appreciate the fact that these ladies were willing to share what they knew with me, with the hope that it was gonna work for me. But here is the thing, if I were to meet these ladies some other time and they decide to ask if I am making use of the tips they shared with me, and my answer happens to be"No", they are gonna be mildly offended...
Now, that might totally be a wrong judgment on my end but then again, I have seen a ton of people give me that "disappointed look", when I said, "No, I didn't do it the way you advised I should", even though I still turned out well.
That might just be a minor situation, obviously but the same does happen on an even bigger scale, especially with people that seem to have a closer connection or relationship with us. And such attitude sure doesn't make a healthy relationship with people.
People often times feel pressured to go with one's advice because they clearly did put an effort into coming up with one, and its just sad because it isn't supposed to be so.
Most times, these advice that everyone has a bit of, and everyone seem to want to give us a bit of might seem quite suffocating and confusing for a number of us. instead of clarity, we get overwhelmed. instead of being certain, there seem to be a cloud of uncertainty hovering over our heads. Instead of light, darkness seem to loom... Because when the advice was shared with us, the person probably left with discussing in detail.
These people sure do seem to have our best interest at heart, or at least that's what we think, but more often than not, their efforts to make life a bit better for us ends up getting lost because these guidance were giving from a distance, probably without trying to understand the whole situation better.
Instead of being fast to offer series of advice to people, I think it will be much more better if we offer our support first. When we stretch forth our hands of support to people, we get as close as we can to be in their shoes. Now, there is no way we can be in other people's shoes but showing support and seeking to understand their situation better gives us room to be able to think through the advice we offer if we still need to offer it at the end of the day.
There are times when I opt for support first and at the end, I felt stuck just like the person that seemed to need the advice. I think it is at that point that one can come up with feasible advice, from probably a different point of view and explore it with the other person, not just "drop and run".
I am slowly learning that my support is more valuable than the advice I have to offer, and when I offer my support, I am able to encourage and give better advice than just "saying my thoughts" and moving on... I am understanding better than the fact that someone asked for my opinion doesn't mean they can't think for themselves, it most probably means that they have had to think alot. and most importantly, I am learning that my advice doesn't need to be used by the receiver.
At the end of the day, they make the final decision, mine might only be based on logic, theirs has a better emotional and mental connection to whatever issue might be at hand, only them can choose a better path to follow or step to take.
We probaly can't do without giving or recieving advice at some point, because we all love together in this world and we often times seek to do better and help others be better and make a better choices as well. But everyday, i remind myself that, my love, listening ears and support comes first before any other advice I have to offer or anything I have to share.
Much love — Audrey❤