Really sorry to read this mate. I don't know you except from a few earlier Steem replies and your blogs of course but I completely understand your pain. Your history sounds awful but i think you are making the right decisions now, for whatever it is worth. In my view you need to address the issues with your in-laws. If mine wouldn't accept me, they wouldn't see their grandchild either. At least as long as the missus would agree. In all fairness, she needs to stand up to them and choose your side. Anyway i am writing this based on what i read, i am sure there are numerous other things to consider. I am glad you wrote it down and got it of your chest man, hope it helps. Doesn't make the house any less empty, but maybe it does make you feel understood. And with regards to your boy Nathan, maybe it is what happens, maybe it will turn out better like it did with my brother who also separated from his girlfriend when they had a little one. He has very close contact with all his children and is the real dad, regardless of other men coming into their lives. I guess it all depends on how you treat Nathan and if you are there for him. Judging your character by this blog and earlier replies, i believe you will be a great dad, now and in the future. Be strong man, I hope things will take a better turn soon.
I just couldnt live with the guilt. The grandparents are great with Nathan and he loves going to the farm. His first word was "tractor" ffs. I just don't want to get to a point where I put own selfish needs above what is best for him. I will always be there for him. Aileen would never try to keep us apart. She is really a great person. Just not s "strong" person I guess. I'm just to weak to help other people be strong right now. I know I sound like a bitch. Talking about my feelings is the opposite of who I am but writing it down did help. Not the most enjoyable stroll down memory lane but one I needed. I am doing ok for myself. I have come a long way and somehow still feel like im a better person for it. No matter what happens I am just going to try to be happy. Not sure what I gotta do to get there but surely can't be as hard as what I have done.
Understand and agree man. The way you talk about your son and your wife even though she has left you at the moment shows you have a good if not great personality. You will get through this i am sure. By the way you don't sound like a bitch to be honest. For people like you to talk about feelings and the past takes guts i think, no need to think other people will think you are whining as i am sure there will be very few thinking that. And the ones that are, should be ignored and disregarded forever. Interested to know how you will be doing later on this week mate, let me know.