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RE: What do you do when people only see the negative things in you and nothing of the good things you've done?
Omg I'm sorry to hear that. It's really terrible when such behavior comes from family members. I'm happy to know you're independent from her now. I too don't associate with my mom that much now since I've been on my own for more than a decade. Too toxic for me. I mean, yes I love her but it's best that we're apart.
It is possible of course that our parents' behavior are partly from their own parents. They were probably raised that way too and so are acting like such when they became our parents. This is why I'm very happy we have the internet nowadays. We can easily find a way to be better people as opposed to the older generation who don't take advantage of the online world.
It's just one of many things I had to endure growing up under her. I don't have many memories of my grandfather as he died when I was young and like many they believed it was disrespectful to speak ill of the dead but my grandmother is still alive and as an adult I see much of my mother's behaviors in her. I mean at least she has the grace to disguise it as 'pushing to be better' rather than just outright and raw without any attempts to justify it, which is how my mother always was, but still.
(A really good example of this would be my grandmother saying "I just wanted you to get that A because it's better for your grades, you and your future!" versus my mother going "It should have been an A.")
The internet is indeed wonderful. A big part of internet use for me is tracking my own behaviors so when I fall into the same patterns and pitfalls I so harshly criticize I can recognize it, apologize when/where necessary, and become more aware for the future so it happens less and less. I know that a lot of how I was raised has seeped into my own behavior and it's going to take me time and effort to change into someone better but at least I'm actively trying.
Yeah it's very hard to get rid of negative behaviors but I know we can get through it and eventually be much better people.