I knew this mum did not mean what she said to her son ...

How do I know you might ask? Easy, It is the way the mum said, Archie, if you don't stop you will go to your room when we get home. She talked in a slapdash way, and if I did not believe she would follow through I am very certain that her Archie knew too.

This little scenario took place as I walked past a mum and dad putting groceries into the back of a vehicle. I followed them out of a Coles supermarket and as I have had many years working in the field of parent education in my working job in schools, my ears tuned in automatically. Talking incorporates both verbal communication and non-verbal communication. The mum was spot on in picking up Archie's misbehaviour and her words were right so why was I unconvinced of her ability to follow through?

You see, although words are spoken and heard they are in fact only about 8% effectively processed by the receiver. It is the non-verbal part of the communication, the way we speak that has the most power, over 90% in fact. If you have ever said to a person's comment, I don't believe you,it is probably because of the inconsistency with the message and the way it was said. Children have their parents and more so their mums pegged very early in their lives. Mums can get frustrated and angry when their kids do not do follow directions after a period of time. Kids know how far they can go before a mum's sparks fly.

Many mums walked into my office with this problem. When they realised that talking more assertively and meaning what they say to their kids, they gained control and the yelling stopped. It is really easy when one knows this little bit of information. But, an important part of the whole equation is that parents must follow through with the promise of a consequence or the threat of punishment. Or else the kids win and the dance keeps going.

A very important part of the exercise is that the mums then teach and model this techniques to their children how to communicate effectively verbally and non-verbally. A win win!

It is not only mums that don't mean what they say, it is heard everywhere. Like, salesmen when they say,* I will reduce the price just for you,* or when your teenager says, I won't use my phone after curfew at night, or a politician who says, I promise to reduce taxes if I am elected. I am sure you know what I mean.



Love and blessings

---

Cheers - thanks for reading and for your support

---