So if you read some of my posts like this one and this one, you'd know that I am angry guy and I expose my vulnerabilities willingly to help others out.

Now here's an article to uncomplicated your emotions, problems and issues. 

I get it.

Dealing with your emotional struggles to upkeep your mental well-being can be a real challenge.

It's especially confusing because there seems to be so many damn questions.

Why am I like this?

What is the root cause of my problems?

Am I crazy?

Do I need to see a therapist? Would that help?

I am an adult, and yet little, seemingly minor things affect me on a major scale. Why?

I know how it feels. Those questions have attacked me non-stop for a long, long time.

Let me try to break it down for you from my experience of seeing a therapist, a lot of self-reflection, forcing myself to interact with others and a bunch of research.

Here we go:

1) There is no one root cause really

In movies, TV dramas or books, the main character always gains an epiphany after seeing a therapist, realizing what is his or her one root cause, and then starts to immediately become better. 

Nah. It doesn't work that way. There is more than one root cause really.

Take me for example: I can honestly say that my root causes range from, being brought up by strict parents; parents who in turn reprimanded me in public; parents who were unfair to me as they treated my brother better, being bullied somewhat at a very young age by friends and family alike, attending schools where the teachers were insanely angry themselves and after growing up, having my dad die prematurely. 

You see, it could be a bunch of root causes. Whatever it is, try to take steps to find them. They'd give you valuable insights to going forward to improve yourself.

2) A trigger opens up a floodgate 

That said, one of the things that really frustrated me, and made me angrier was that a little trigger would bring me back and think of things completely unrelated to the current situation.

For example, when I think of the most recent, angry incident, like an annoying friend who slighted me, it would make me think of another incident from ten years ago. 

Yes, I am not kidding. Ten years ago.

And it can go on and on should I choose to go down the rabbit hole.

It works like that. A little emotional tug, or trigger can open up an entire floodgate of emotions. This is when you start thinking of the past, or even the future as you build yourself up with unrealistic expectations. 

And of course, that's extremely tiring. But please know that it's normal. You're not crazy for constantly harping on the past or future.

It just means you need to find steps to take it easy.

3) Love yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel 

A lot of us suppress our emotions as we think that should act a certain way only.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Man! I am already adult! This tiny little thing shouldn't bother me! I better not show that I am emotional otherwise others would think I am immature"?

I have. It was equally frustrating. I felt like a kid for getting worked up and angry over minuscule problems that do not affect my friends.

But you know what? Fuck that.

You are who you are and you all all the right in the world to feel what you feel.

Love yourself and allow yourself to feel.

Angry? Be angry then.

Sad? Be sad then.

Tiny, little thing bothers you? Admit that it bothers you despite what others may think.

This is your issue and you're allowed to feel whatever the fuck it is you want. Do not let others dictate how you should feel.

This is the first step towards clarity, and hence, improvement.

So love yourself.

As a rider, stand up for yourself. Should somebody try to put you down, assert yourself and say something. You don't need to put up with that shit sitting down.

4) You're not alone this world

You're not really. I know it can feel like you are when the emotions overwhelm you.

But trust me, you're not.

You're in good hands.

Talk to someone. Reach out. People do want to help.

5) Your surroundings LARGELY factor in towards your emotional well-being

If you're surrounded by assholes who constantly put you down or by friends who downplay how you should feel, you honestly need to find better people to be with today.

I am 31 today and I've a bunch of friends who are seem to not have any emotional problems because they look like they're doing okay on the outside, what with their stable jobs, marriages, families, buying houses and whatever.

I do not even bother talking to them about my problems. (Heck these are the guys who eventually come to me with their problems)

The people who know me intimately are the people who willingly expose their flaws themselves and are are willing to listen because they don't judge.

So yes, your surroundings truly matter. Just for a moment, stop looking inwards, and look around you instead. See what you can change and then change it.

6) There is an extremely specific solution catered for you

I wrote about this before and I feel this is very appropriate here.

Look, it's really easy to learn anything to do even when it comes to emotional well-being. You just have to Google it. 

It's then easy to think that everything generally positive would help.

But that is not true at all.

I got frustrated whenever things didn't seem to work for me when I read that it should. 

I tried meditating, but that honestly kind of felt cheesy to me. Then I got upset even further because people online swore by how great it is.

Nah. If it doesn't work for you, fuck it. Throw it away. 

Something else out there would work better for you, so find it. This is what my own therapist told me. He said it clearly, "Meditation and all that stuff will never work for someone like you."

He told me to stand up for myself more instead. And it works better for sure.

So go find it. Do what works for you, not what works for others or in general.

7) The onus is still entirely on you to make yourself better

I am sorry, but if you want to get better, it's going to take a lot of work.

You don't automatically become better just because you find your root cause.

Your problems will not be solved just because you changed your surroundings.

Even a therapist can't heal you on the spot.

It's really up to you.

As I like to say, it's entirely up to you to how you want to wake up in the morning.

If you choose to think of angry shit, then your day will be filled with anger.

If you choose to think of sad stuff, then you're going to be feel dreary throughout.

If you choose to think you're not a good person, then well, that's a deep, dark rabbit hole you're digging into.

But you can be better.

Believe in yourself. There is hope. 

It does NOT have to be so complicated.

You just have to choose to be better. 

Then take it day by day, step by step. Do what it takes. Take on little endeavors you know will help.

Sooner or later, you've done something big and achieved something great.

That's when you know you're come a long way.

Hope this helps.

Peace,

Alden

www.Alden-Tan.com

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