Kill the Pad Challenge- Week # 1- Theme Bullying
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Photo made by @scuzzy
Bullies
(Cussing advisory)
Bullies rule with fierce persistence.
Take you down with their talk yo
Your self-doubt is their mission
Then try to modify your mind so,
You don’t think too much
Can’t be too smart
If you display your skills
You’ll be shut right out.
You’re a victim of a victim
The bullied of the bullied
The remains of the run down
Always chased, always hurried.
They are holding the cards now,
But they won’t let you see them,
Cause they always cheat to win
And you ain’t as fucken mean as them.
You think there’s something wrong with you.
I tell you now this can’t be true
They can’t be as cool as you
So, they use hurt to bother you.
And all the time you give to them;
Using up your thoughts on pleasing them,
Will not make them nice again.
Cause there’s no end to bullying.
The odds are stacked against you,
Take it as an honored mark yo
Fill your thoughts with pity for
All those who are mocking you, so
You don’t think too much
Can’t be too smart
If you display your skills
You’ll get the hell out.
You’re a victim of a victim
The bullied of the bullied
They’ll remain on the low sound
As you go by in a hurry.
They will falter in time though
Cause people can see through them
You won’t have to cheat to win
Cause you ain’t as fucken dumb as them.
You think there’s something wrong with you.
I tell you now this can’t be true
They can’t be as cool as you
So, they use hurt to bother you.
And all the time you ignore them;
Using up your thoughts on passing them,
Will not make them smile again.
Cause there’s no honor in bullying.
Made by @albertvhons
Made by @son-of-satire
Alright @simgirl!! I see you working them skills!! Real cool word play.
You go girl, full song verses and hooks. Nice!
Well done :) enjoyed the read!
Sorry it has taken so long for me to get to this!
Content is amazing.
The remains of the run down
Loved that. I enjoyed how you took basicaly the entire beggining and then mirrored it but changed certain things around where you overcoming it. I liked that alot.
The structure is a miss for me. Clear precise bars is what is needed. Some of these seem to be bars, others seem to be cut in two.
Should really be
Easier to read as a rap, and easier to work with when trying to build structure, rhyme schemes, etc.
The rhyme scheme is hit and miss. While I can clearly get a rhyme scheme, they are usually both end rhymes and the same word. Sometimes rhyming the same word is ok, like when it's part of the whole idea of the song. To bring back up the first couplet of the verse, you rhymed talk yo with mind so, and I'm not saying anything about yo/so, that's cool. Generally though when you are using simpler end rhymes like that, it's good practice to make the words before them slant rhymes, or at least similar.
It was completely on topic and I loved the read, was very fun. Thank you so much for participating in the #killthepad challenge! I will be announcing winners tomorrow!
Thank you for the feedback!!! I appreciate all the help. :)
HIya Simgirl
This is a really empowering poem. I hear it as a song or rap. Awesome job.
I especially love:
Lots of truth in the entire poem.
KUDOS all over the place to ya
Bests
Anj x
Thank you!