"KILL THE PAD" CHALLENGE WEEK #4 - SPONSORED BY SMA ( This is a DSound Community Initiative )
This is a killthepad challenge on mental illness and this is my entry
DISORDERLY MENTAL
Orderly disorderly disorderliness is my mental illness
I think I'm on top of the crazy world I should be called highness
I must have been highly crazy to be mountain everest
I ain't even sure about no thing not even the very best
Social retard and recluse that I am, like a coin I'm being tossed
My mental states defy the law of nature, it's going on it's own course
My mental madness obeys no law of physics, it's beyond gravitational force
It's on an emergency emergency, ma says I need a doctor
I think I must be in need of a therapy session
My mind is crazy like hell, I'm about to be put in detention
For so many madness in me I can't even mention
My grief outweighs me I feel so many tensions
My mental has gone awol my ass is about to be put behind the bars
Can I be able to deliver bars behind bars like I'm bruno mars
Inmates are like who is that dude with the voice like a bass
His mind surely must have taken leave it must be on a bounce
This was cool man. I think the main thing it was missing is the personal touch. The only thing that described the mental illness was Social retard and recluse that I am, like a coin I'm being tossed... Other than that, it was very generic and non-descriptive.
As a topical you need to really dig in and make the topic come alive. Explain the mental illness, give some examples, some metaphors, etc.
Appreciate you participating!! Hope to see you post again!
Thanks
I hope to make an improvement next time
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You got a 2.66% upvote from @minnowvotes courtesy of @oshiokhenhoya!