"KILL THE PAD" Challenge Week 4 "The Throne"
Hi, so 2 days ago I sort of stumbled on this article in which @derangedvisions, a veteran, talks about his experience with PTSD. I'd recommend reading the article as it's so vunerable and vivid. https://steemit.com/life/@derangedvisions/ptsd-through-the-eyes-of-a-combat-veteran
He will also be showing his new documentary "War-Torn" on his Dlive today at noon EST and I'm sure he'd appreciate if y'all went to show support. If he gets enough he plans on releasing it on DVD.
The article is what sort of inspired this piece, though I'm not saying in any form that I can actually imagine what he had to go through.
Noose around your throat
If I deem you a threat,
If you're nuisance you're a loose end too
eligible for the rope,
Browsing your phone while your feet danglin,
It's funny, your girl just texted bout hangin out..
I feel for you, I really do
This smile you see isn't meant for you,
I just laugh at the insanity I try to rebuke
As I commune with the voices I fight to mute
They say I should just find a tribe,
I would say that I've tried
But I dont need my tendencies trialled,
My dry Hennessey spiked
Or their smiles in spite of their mistrust
All that sweetness can get the boot
I tell them to scoot before they can nuke
My comfort zone,
The darkness is my throne
Even Jon Snow knows it,
It is my throne even dragons
Bow in the midst of it
Aaaaahh the choking's stopped,
Is it my turn yet?...
Turns out I'm not as ready as I had hoped
Image source: @jamesgetsit
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super travail , bravo bro !
Merci gars, j'apprécie.
love, love, love. nothing but pure bliss.
Cheers @sylviam, I appreciate the support :)
This was dope! However, the structure and scheme for this was definitely more poetry than rap. There were a couple times where it was passing as a rap, but then it would end with some off-rhyme.
Main thing I'd want to see improved is the structure... Make clear bars like
That's a solid couplet. The end rhyme would still need some work when it comes to rap, but still would be passable.
So basically just make it more structured as a verse and keep the rhymes coming! I appreciate you participating, hope to see you drop another verse next week!
Ayt, will work on that. Cheers :)
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Well yes, yes I will lol