The morality of the father role

The father role for a child is one of the most important for a child's:

• Protection, physically and mentally

• Development of new skills

• Ability to learn empathy and compassion

This article is not a debate over gender, but a contribution to describing the importance of the REAL biological father in a child's life.

Pictures of me in 2005ish, of Ditte (the white girl) from when I knew her and of Joanne from years after we split up.

Back to my own story

In 2006 I meet Ditte Hende Bilde Jensen (at that time she was called Ditte Threms).

We meet via the local danish dating site Dating.dk , we meet many times and after she got pregnant, we decided to live together, first in her

parents apartment that we borrowed and then in my apartment, after I had cancelled the lease of my current roommate.

Shortly after Ditte and I had established our home, Ditte told me on a week vacation to a Greek Island, that her parents where moving out of Copenhagen, out in the country side.

She asked if I would go there every weekend to visit her parents and I got confused and stressed, since I didn't know what was going on.

I told her that I could not go to the country side every weekend, since my whole life is in the city. I think that was not an fulfilling answer for Ditte and her parents. Also they had a behavior that suggested that they wanted to control my life and indicated that I should take orders from them or they would find another father to the child. Actually those messages was so suddle, that it was first years after that I really understood what they where saying.

I have lived a pretty free life and I am not used to take orders from others then bosses that pay me, so I was not ready to take orders from my girl friend and/or her parents. Looking back it is clear to me that my unwillingness to take orders from my girl friend and her parents, resulted in that she "kidnapped" our daughter already when she was pregnant in the 6th month, by disappearing without coming with any logical or real explanation. It was and is against the law, since the law state that you have to keep contact as parents to a child, but the enforcement of the law in the area of children and woman, are not working well, is my experience, since no authority force the mother to keep contact in this situation. She knew what she was doing and it 'ruined' my normal life and stole our daughter's opportunity of growing up with her real biological father.

My reaction to the event of her disappearance

I was pretty calm, I still thought that we lived under a law that was respected by authorities, it took months and months, maybe years, before I understood the truth, that the law is not enforced in this area, at least not for me and my daughter.

I got isolated from friends and family, since they didn't know how to react. It came as a shock to me that even my best friends couldn't or wouldn't handle this crisis with me. I was completely alone, when I took a wild decision: "Making a dating add on a Latin American dating site", until that day, I had only dated white blue eyed Dane's, but I lost my mind and ventured out in new territory.

I had a memory of a woman from Argentina, that I talked with in 2001, while flying with Abanda (The Danish/Brazilian samba orchestra that I was member of and touring Brazil with in that year). That woman from Argentina, that I randomly talked with in the flight to Brazil, seemed so nice that now, ~5 years later, I thought I want to try to date woman from Argentina and that was why I signed up at that Latin american dating site: 'Brazilcupid.com' It was advertised like it had woman from all over south america, also Argentina.

Shortly after signing up, I received one email with a photo of Joanne and an indication that she wanted to chat with me. At first I didn't open it, the picture was not so clear and I thought, I am not interested I am not looking for a Brazilian woman but looking to date woman from Argentina.

After some time (maybe days), I decided to open that email request and chat with Joanne. In the meanwhile many others had written to me and I began to understand that in this (to me) new dating market, there was much more response then I ever had on Dating.dk.

Joanne, was the first of a maybe 10-20 woman I talked with via Brazilcupid.com , after having known all these woman, I went back to Joanne and gave her an suggestion/offer: "I will pay your ticket to Copenhagen, if you like to have a long vacation with me to get to know each others?".. At first she refused the suggestion, she said that she didn't know me and couldn't just travel half the world to a man that she didn't know. I understood it, but I was in a state of mind, where I was impatient and I didn't wanted a long term relationship with anybody, so I said to her: "If you don't like my suggestion, then it is better we have no more contact" and then I blocked her on all the communication lines we have had (like Skype and email, mostly, as I remember it now)..

Luckily for all involved then she had got the email addresses of my friends, since I had send her a copy of the invitation to my birthday, where she could also see the email addresses to the invited people.

I don't know how many of my friends she contacted, but one of them responded to her, it was Carsten. He then called me and said "a Brazilian woman is looking for you, what do you want me to tell her?".. Then I told him the story and said "ok, I will talk with her one more time". In that next conversation, then she said that she would come and have the vacation with me. I was thrilled and our romance story from there, I think I will leave private for now or forever, I don't know at this point. What I know is that I want to share what happened 1-2 years later after our son was born, since that is critical information, that can be used to understand the kaka-society we live in of today.

Until next time, Steem on!

Lasse Ehlers

My son Angelo, one of the times he was with me in 2016, with the magic Necklage @craig-grant made in the old Steemit colors.

I will create your PREMIUM Bitshares account (Any free name your choose) for free + relevant fees on the Bitshare/OpenLegder/DEX