This morning, I left for a job interview in a rather good mood. I’m back now, with red eyes – fuming with anger. I made my way home like an incandescent meteor pushing everything out of its way, refusing to let anything stop its collision with the planet. The reason I’m angry is because: Everything was perfect.

The people were amazing and the culture was amazing. They employ north of a thousand people, and everything was perfect. At 9AM, people were faced towards their coworkers in intense conversation – or towards their diaries, notebooks and computer screens – being productive – ready to go on until after 4PM and repeating the cycle the next day. For a short break, a large group got up and sang happy birthday to one of their co-workers. A vibrant culture, yet rigorous and deserving of all the respect I have to give.

What I saw, today, was people’s capacity to work; As if the world spat in my face to show me reality.

My anger
I’m angry, and disappointed, at myself more than anything. I made a terrible mistake – and I must hold myself accountable for it – to not realize your failures is the biggest failure.

When I entered into the world of entrepreneurship, I shared a sentiment that most people share: “I don’t want to die working for someone else’s dream,” “I don’t want to work from 9-5, being imprisoned by a salary.”

The truth is, a lot of entrepreneurs share this sentiment – but what leaves their mouth is not what is reflected in their hearts. Cut the sentences in half, and you’ll understand what they mean:

“I don’t want to die working, ” and “I don’t want to work from 9-5”

Well…past Wisani – screw you for thinking that. Present Wisani – thank you for realising the great flaw in that. Future Wisani – I promise I’ll be better.

My experience
All the interviews I went through in the last week had opinions about startups. Some good, some bad – but mostly bad. Even though they would say things like: “We understand the startup life – sleepless nights for a month, and a one day break.” In the back of my mind I was thinking: “Oh, is that the norm!? Sure I’ve had some, but I can’t even say people in startups, in my experience, even compare to how hard people in this building are working!”

Before going on a rampage, I must say that I’ve worked with very hard workers who come in at 9AM and leave at midnight – even resisting to leave sometimes, in order to perfect something – and I value those people.

The rampage
The truth is, with a deep sigh of helplessness (and not with the goal of pointing fingers – but to give a reality check, and constructive criticism to entrepreneurs) – I’ve worked with entrepreneurs that take week long breaks at a time – and even with those who can’t put measurable results on the table after months of initiation.

My refrainment is about to break loose from going ahead and using all the bad words I can think of. This is how hotheaded I am. A founder, especially at startup, is supposed to take on the roles of more than three 9-5 workers. A founder should have results everyday. I mean that.

“This is what I did yesterday – these are the trends I found yesterday – here are the milestones I’ve reached – here is my progress with the KPIs”

My resolve
My biggest dissappointment is this: “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” If you try to revive a dead horse for too long, the rot will begin to infest you.

It’s the rule of averaging – if a price of something has gone too high above it’s average – you can be very sure that the price and average will begin to converge. The average must either increase, or the price must decrease. Sometimes you should accept that the horse is too heavy.

And still, the quote that is ringing in my head with no sign of stopping is: “Letting the wrong people hang around is unfair to all the right people, as they inevitably find themselves compensating for the inadequacies of the wrong people.”

The questions I left asking myself today were: “When last did I have an all-nighter working on something?”, “Has my demotivation consumed me?” When I see all these good and hard people working on a cycle – can I, to avoid hypocrisy, NOT be the wrong person?”

I cannot live with compensating for the inadequacies of the wrong people, and I cannot live with knowing others are compensating for my inadequacies. I shouldn’t aim to be below 9-5, I should aim to be consistently be above it! I should WANT to work 9am-8pm for others’ dreams, because this means I’ll be able to do the same, if not more, for MY dream.

So my resolve, accepting my mistakes – is a hard reset. I need to be better, I can’t let anything get in the way of that – or else, I can only dream of bringing positive change to millions of people. I’m a fool if I think what I’m doing is enough. I must reset.

“The single best piece of advice: Constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself” – Elon Musk

“Life is too short to hangout with people who aren’t resourceful” – Jeff Bezos

It’s bit harsh what Jeff says, but he’s right. The more we do this -the less we grow – and the less our capacity is to be resourceful to others, and thus, the less our chances for being connected to opportunities, dealing a huge blow to our chances for success.

The more we laze around and do nothing, the longer injustice thrives – and the longer real people suffer.