The Time I Plead To God To Spare My Father's Life And Take Mine Instead SWC

It was later in 2003 when my father suddenly lose his ability to move one night after he got home from work. I was shocked and don't know what to do. I hear some members of my family frantically telling me to call his boss immediately but the words simply won't register in my numb mind. I can't seem to comprehend what has happening. My father… I never once remember him getting sick… but why all of a sudden?

Then things seems to blur in my mind… I saw him being carried by his boss and some other people out of our house and into the hospital… At the hospital, all I can ever remember was running to the nurse station every time my father suddenly can't breathe. Then the doctor came and told us the worst news I have ever heard in my entire life… my father has more or less 6 months to live…

I am on my last year in college. The eldest of 3 siblings, was 21 years old. The next one was 16 and the youngest only 6 years old. I was determined to get a job as soon as I graduate. Months later, just a few days after graduation. I asked my father to go and find work on another city. A much bigger city than where we were and where my grandma happened to have a house. Then he told me to wait for 1 month more because he wanted me to cast my vote first. That was an election year. But I didn’t listen to him. I insist on my decision because in my mind, I have to get a job as soon as possible. My sister just graduated high school. I wanted to find a job so she could continue her college education, I said. That was a mistake. I should have listened to him. Not following him was an err judgment on my part. I still can’t shake off the possibility of what might have happen if I had listened to him instead till this day.

So, he went and loan some money for my fare and allowance. The next day, I set off.

As soon as I arrived, I began my quest. I bought some local newspaper to find job ads and apply to all that I think I am qualified. I graduated with a Business Administration degree so I thought this was easy. But things didn’t turn out my way. I kept getting declined. Each and every applications seems to fly away like birds that didn’t want to be caught. Months passed and I still can’t get a job. So I lower my standard. My sister decided to come and find a job as well and landed a sales clerk job in a department store. I applied as cashier to one of the biggest department store in the Philippines. But fate seems to mock at me for disobeying my father. I landed on a sales clerk job because there was no available spot for cashiers. Desperate as I am, I grab the opportunity.

Then a month passed, my mother called saying that they were coming. Luckily it was my day off the day they arrived. I fetched them at the pier. My little sister ran at me and I hugged her. My father looked pale. My mom then told me that they found a supplement claiming to heal such illness as my father so they wanted to give a try. The doctor claiming it effective live just a few minutes from where I live.

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Then days went by. My father keep telling us that he can’t sleep. He’s entire body itch. And when he sleeps, he kept dreaming of some ladies in white dresses calling him to go with them. My mother was horrified.

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That was when I decided that I had to do something. My shift at work end till 8 o’clock in the evening. I am determined to keep my father alive. So each night, I would go to our church and pray. Every night at around 10 o’clock (because from work I still have to travel). The church is just a few minutes away from home. As eerie as it was, I would go inside and walk to as far as my courage would allow and bend my knee. I would then asked God in tears to spare my father’s life. If needed He can just take mine instead. My family needs a father more than it needs me. Besides, I do not have the means to take the responsibility of a bread winner.

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Each night… and every night that I am doing my prayer… there are strange things that would test my courage and perseverance. There were nights that as I pray… I could feel something at the back of my neck but I kept praying. Some nights, I could feel some presence near me but I kept my eyes closed and kept praying as hardest as I can. Some nights, I could feel someone or something walking in the church’s isle that would make me falter but I kept praying. The one night that makes all my hairs stand out was when I heard a voice humming… like it was floating out in the air. That was then that I run out of church, prayers unfinished… a then believer in the old’s tale that a Church is creepier at night than a Cemetery. There were times when as I go out of the church, the guard would say… I envy your courage, are you not scared?

If they only knew… as scared as I am, my purpose is beyond me being scared of those things. Maybe that was just a test… That was what I thought…what I wanted to believe… but for the second time I was wrong. Because each day as I travel to work… as much as I wanted to keep my face straight… some force beyond me would turn my face every time I passed funeral homes. It’s like telling me to give up and let go. That was not just a coincidence. It happened not just twice but as many as I can remember… that one night after a month… I decided to just let go…maybe my father’s life is just about to end in God’s will. Maybe God still has some purpose left in me…

Then my father told us one day, he wanted to go home. If he died, no one can help us there, he said. Then he looked at my sister and said, I would have wanted her to finish her study before I go but I cannot take it any longer. Then a tear drop from his eyes. I told him to not worry about that. I will send my sister to college no matter what.

The next day, I went with them to the pier. As they board on the ship, my father turned and looked back at me with longings in his eyes. I wanted to run and hug my father because for some reason I know that it would be the last time… but I didn’t. If God would allow me to turn back time for one day, I would want to return to that day. I wanted to hug my father as tight as I could for the very first and last time…

Three days later, a text message arrived. Even without knowing yet, something told me that my father had his last breath and I was right… my father has died.