Disappointed Dancer

Both my kids are Irish dancers, and the oldest is heavily involved in competitions. For those of you new to the competitive Irish dance world, we call these "feisanna" (or just singular, "feis"). Now if you know anything about Gaelic, you've probably guessed that it doesn't sound at all like it looks. Here's a little guide:

Feis = Fesh
Feisanna = fesh-AH-nah

This is a world of wigs and sparkle. This is a field of technique, training and pressure. Walking into a feis can often mean sensory overload. You're going to hear a jig on an accordion, while simultaneously a fiddle player does a reel. And all the while there are people camped out in hallways talking, laughing and stretching while they wait for their turn to take the stage.

Irish dancing is a little odd, because it's considered an art AND a sport. Feisanna offer a dancer a chance to compete against other children their age, and eventually make it to a regional or national competition. Some even qualify for Worlds, which is typically held in the Spring of each year in Ireland or Scotland.

In the last two years, my eldest kid went from Beginner to Advanced Beginner to Novice. She's now working on reaching Prizewinner status in order to qualify for a big regional competition at the end of the year. In order to do that, she needs a 1st place in Reel and Hornpipe.

We were "feising" (as we say in the business) just about every weekend and doing quite well: 1st places in Slip Jig, Light Jig and Treble Jig. But last weekend, while all her friends were getting firsts, she did her poorest showing yet. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and when I mentioned, "Today just wasn't our day" one is the moms piped up, "Well, it's all about how we react to it."

I kind of felt my cheeks going red. Was I being scolded? Was I taking the comment too much to heart? I try like hell to keep my kid focused on the important things like loving the dance, loving the music, and getting a shot at performing. She really digs all of those things.

But the more I thought about it, I felt strongly that is ok to acknowledge disappointment. When a kid works hard at something and doesn't get it, well, that's a hard life lesson. But it will also give them since valuable information:

Do I go keep doing this?
Is it worth it?
Can I work harder?
If I train harder, what can I focus on?

My kid, I'm proud to say, so far has always choosen to stick with it. And if that ever changes, I'm down for something new. But for now she has been able to isolate two key elements she loves about the dance. One is the competition. She does her best work under pressure. But the second thing she told me one night in a conversation.

"If you took away the competitions," I carefully asked, "would you still want to Irish dance?"

She thought about it, then answered, "Yes."

"Okay why?

"I love the sound of the heel clicks I make filling the entire room."

And so I register her for more feisanna. I drive further distances to get there. I pick up another pair of shoes, because my child doesn't just love the competition. The pulse of the music is inside her bones.