Re-Introduction and an Important Book

cosimo (58)in #introduction • 6 years ago (edited)

Howdy Steemit, I've been away for a long, exhausting, and expensive adventure. I'm back with something to share.

Those of you who know me at all, know that I drink. Those of you who know me well, know that I drink a lot. Those of you who know me the best, know that I get trashed just about every single night.

Thanks to @jeffberwick for mentioning this book and author in one of his videos while walking his dogs. He mentioned that he had once been a drinker, that alcohol was a nefarious drug and that the book presented a simple trick of altering your perception to stop drinking. I didn't believe it but, I'd heard enough of what Mr. Berwick had to say that I thought there could be some merit. I eventually got the book and read it. I followed all the simple instructions and remained skeptical and as open-minded as I could.

A little bit about my drinking before I go into the book. My parents are from New Orleans(if you're not an alcoholic in Southern Louisiana then you're a weirdo) I started drinking at 15. I'm in my 30s. I have wanted to quit for a long time but, I found myself in a catch-22 that prevented me from quitting completely. I had once quit for 4 months using sheer willpower. Once I was dry, I found that I was too aware of everything. The mind would not stop spinning. I would often describe my drinking as "splashing some stupid on my brain" in order to shut down the overwhelming fog of racing thoughts and swampy emotions. I was constantly irritable and unable to put forth the energy to really listen to anyone. My patience level was a static 0% while sober.

Long before I read the book or went sober for 4 months, I tried to understand why I drank so much. The first thing that interested me was learning that alcohol was a depressant. That was intriguing because I had always experienced a marked boost of energy whenever I drank. Alcohol animated me. I'd want to entertain(whether people wanted me to or not) everyone around me. I could be edgy and passionate and unpredictably funny. How could a depressant do that? Sounds more like a stimulant.

I read somewhere that when the body was being poisoned with enough of a depressant that the senses reach a certain point where the body goes into a sort of emergency mode. This was the big boost, I thought, of energy that alcohol gave me. Only with that boost could I pull me out of my natural fog of endless thinking and operate like a normal person.

I aimed for moderation. I wanted to drink enough to feel alive every night. I wanted to have some lingering alcohol iny my system, not so much to feel drunk or hungover the next day, but to keep my brain from fully recooperating or "reforming" as I liked to put it.
I wanted to be able to function without the fog. It worked, except there was no drinking moderately. I found I got worse and worse at limiting myself.

The "brain fog" I'm talking about was something that was diagnosed in me by a psychologist about 10 years ago. I'm not going to go into what I may or may not have in terms of disorders. The one he mentioned, you've never heard of, and there is laughingly little research. I don't know if I believe it to this day, and it's not really important.

Part of this "condition" that I was diagnosed with stated that I was hypo-active. Not "hyper"-active, but "hypo." The opposite of hyper. This meant that my natural state was below the "normal" level of energy. It made perfect sense. I had felt that way for as long as I could remember. I NEEDED the boost from alcohol to get me up to a "normal" functioning energy level. However, alcohol was definitely hurting all of my relationships, definitely hurting my finances, and definitely hurting my physical health. I definitely sucked at moderating and was losing hope that I ever would be able to.

Keep drinking alcohol and you're going to die young, broke, and alone.

Stop drinking alcohol and you're stuck with this mental condition, that no one knows or cares about, that will keep you feeling irate, depressed, and enervated. Even my wife and daughter told me that they didn't like me when I was sober for 4 months.

That was my perceived catch-22. My situation was different than every other alcoholic's in the world because I had this 1 in a million mystery disease.

So I read the book. I read it wondering if it would give me insight into the answer to my problem, not just with drinking, but with not being happy either way. I don't want to give away too much of the book, I think that would be detrimental to its effect for anyone who'd like to read it. I will tell the answer that I came to.

Alcohol was not helping me. It wasn't the necessary evil I perceived it to be.

I read the whole book. I have quit drinking. I no longer feel compelled to drink. Seriously, I have no desire to drink.

So now I'm a moody, bitter, tortured genius like I had been when I went sober for 4 months, right?

Surprisingly, no. I am less moody and volatile than when I was drinking. The truth is I can't remember ever feeling quite like this.

If you drink and would like to stop, then you should read this book and, hopefully, it'll change your life like it has mine.

The book is well-written, easy to understand, and does a good job of covering doubts and concerns. Allen Carr was a heavy drinker for a long time, and because of his experience, he knows all the tricks your brain tries to pull on you to keep you drinking.

Here's a picture of me in Long Beach California at a steak restaurant that I couldn't afford.