WHO AM I: The thing that started everything
It all started when all of what has planned started shrinking piece by piece. First quarter of 2017, I was ready to stop working for now and instead pursue my 6-year dream, TO STUDY...
I was hoping to be accepted in a university that I’ve been dreaming for the past 6 years here. For the last 6 years, everything feels right, where and what are you working for but suddenly that day when you decided to pursue this dream, and read the e-mail you have been waiting for, “We have given due consideration to your application and regret that you have been unsuccessful. We regret that the School does not consider appeals…”
I was shattered into pieces, pieces of me wondering why I was still standing as a whole.
But one thing is for sure, Tarot saved me...
So, I was forced to have a solitude retreat...
As a licensed Architect by profession, I was born to solve problems and I really love challenges. It gives me that drive to be curious on how to solve these challenges at hand. I cannot stop or proceed to the next important step unless I solved and found the answer to my present question. That’s why; I didn’t wonder why I love Research + Cities + Places… These are the things what’s keeping me driven and still holding to this dream… A dream of becoming an Urban Planner!
“Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."
Creativity, Curiosity and Ambition is ME...
After being terminated, feeling lost and agitated at my hometown, I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what my next steps were. All I get to do is wait and run while waiting for any clues for all the questions I have in my mind.
*Why me? *
Am I not that good enough?
Why? Am I useless?
I am lost right now.
Still my heart beats like a drum go STUDY! Go!
How can I be heard and push myself to my full potential?
How can I still be enthusiastic and courageous about this life again?
Can someone tell me, how can I proceed from here?
Early months of 2016, I don’t want to think of anything with regards to work and my studies. But instead, what I was doing is watching Astrolada, and Kelly’s monthly predictions, YouTube Astrology channels and monthly Tarot Card readings with Karleen.
My journey started from here. I was curious about Stars and Astrological Houses, Planets and hopefully how they are affecting me as a person. I was really in need and hoping for any answers that could help me figure out my life right now:
Is the world really has a plan for me? I’m scared of hell right now!
Why am I like this?
What makes me, ME?
Do others see me as I want to be perceived?
Am I using the best of my potentials?
What are the other things I can still do to develop these gifts?
What are my weaknesses, what are my preferences and hates?
What are my childhood experiences that make me who I am right now?
Are these helpful of what I am trying to achieve and what I am trying to become?
What is my comfortable environment for working that brings out my best potential?
Is my future plan of studying is the right path for me now?
What went wrong in me? What happened in my life right now?
My brain couldn’t stop thinking. I need to do anything worthwhile waiting. What I mean by anything means anything!
So I did! I studied my own Birth Chart…
Above is my own sketch of my Birth chart. I am a visual person; I can only understand it by sketching it all over again in order to understand it piece by piece, element by element, house by house, zodiacs by zodiacs.
26th Dec 2017, a realization came, I realized that I was too focused on my dream of the past 6 years, and it did limit me of what else can be done, what else I can do to enhance myself while waiting for this dream to happen. I know in myself that I will never give up this dream but as these years pass by, I didn’t notice that I still have a lot to give and to offer in this world and to others…
After all the things, that just happened to me…
Now, Who am I?...
Even though I’m not really ready to commit, I’m not prepared physically, mentally of what I planned and hoping to achieve at this very moment in my life right now, I know I achieved a lot but still something is missing, maybe I can be emotionally and spiritually prepared of what could happen or what can I achieve more by pursuing it…
Listen to every sound your instincts are saying...
One thing is for sure, my mind can’t stop learning. I need to refuel my mind, I don’t know whatever topic is it, but just continue with that guts instinct, never stop being curious at things, don’t mind what other people is saying who is stopping you to lead and go anywhere with your dreams.
Soon, this will take you there.
I will commit and continue this dream, to become an Urban Planner and still pursue, being a Tarot card reader. I will promise to post more of my life and who knows; maybe you also need that “something” to hold on to...
Because I believe, that life is just a game of chase, thus…
“Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice"...
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
Welcome to steemit @tikatarot. I felt closer and closer to you, as I read your post till the end.
You seem to be in a hard phase of your life. You draw a line to follow, and nothing goes as it's planned. I believe I understand you very well related to this post because I am in the same page with you right now. Honestly, deciding on what to do with your life sucks. It's really hard! I studied psychological counseling for 5 years, and I wanted to pursue masters degree. But the school didn't accept me, I got very similar e-mail like yours. And I asked myself.. Is that it? What am I gonna do now, I was planning only on this for 5 years. Now what? I didn't have plan B, I didn't even think about it.
Although it sucks, this phase is also a chance. I don't want to accept it, but it gives you opportunity to slow down and think about who you really are, what do you want from life. Endless ideas, but no opportunity to put into practise.. I was thinking, I cant even succeed figuring out who I am and what do I want from life, how am I gonna be useful in something? It should be the easiest question right? Instincts, your personality are within you, but it's hard to see it.
It's been a week since I found steemit, and even in this limited time, my mood and how I see life has changed. Because I see everything around me as an opportunity now. This platform gives you a lot of freedom and chance to share, to express yourself, and get paid for it. It's a win win! I honestly felt better after reading your post. I'm not alone, and this life can be an asshole sometimes! :) I hope you can also make use of it, and share freely because I believe you will fit in here so well <3
Hi birdlover,
As soon as I’ve read your post, I wanted to reply to you, line by line..
Well anyway, Thank you very much for your warm welcome here in steemit.
I believe in this platform that a lot of people in some part of the world has these questions in mind but haven’t receive any answer somewhere in their life right now or maybe didn’t have that courage to accept one’s own weaknesses…
I strongly agree with you that sometimes, life really sucks!, and doing what to next is the worst experience especially if all didn’t go as planned. I think, we will value this life experiences the most, right? Because along this line, you will discover a “LOT” of realizations and strong points that we need, that will surely discover another part of our OWN self…
I know we are only using a certain part of our best potential, as I’ve said on my first post, Life is a matter of choice.. Now it’s up to you to choose your own destiny..
Let’s not give up on this dream.. I’m with you all the way, and I know you do too! Love lots! Tikatarot :-)
Thank you for your warm reply @tikatarot. Yes, I strongly believe that our bad experiences will add our future so much. I believe people learn from pain, the most, and in this time, you also acknowledge the importance of gratitude. It's time to accept weaknesses, some parts of fate- if one belives- and make yourself stronger than ever! Thank you for supporting me as well, have a lovely day&night :)
Welcome to Steemit.
Thanks for welcoming me @readallaboutit :-)
No one is useless never think of that way, you should be positive in all aspects in life. Welcome to steemit Kabayan! =)
Amazing!!! I could not stop reading i figured out I was done with the article and was already reading other peoples comment.
Hi also from @OriginalWorks
Thanks for the warm welcome @jackraptor :-)
I have upvoted and resteemed your post since I find it pretty impressive and somewhat enticing. And another thing, you have been featured on our curation initiative, you can read it here: https://steemit.com/steemitfamilyph/@steemitfamilyph/daily-steemit-family-ph-featured-posts-2... Cheers and good job, keep 'em quality posts coming!
@jamesanity06
Nice article, firstly welcome to the platform, and please enjoy your stay. Though I have a little advice, if you've been holding on to something you want and you fail plenty of times to the point that you're already hurting yourself, try looking the other way, maybe it's not the goal that's causing the problem, but the route itself. Try and take a breather once in a while, relax, don't be too hard on your self. As a promotion, I'll promote steemit a little: Steemit is also one of the many relaxation you can pick, aside from relaxing by dishing out post about things you like, dislike, anything about you, you also get to be rewarded if many people find your post interesting specially those big names ehem whales ehem... so to cut the long comment short, welcome to steemit, enjoy your stay, and you can hang out with us if you like, you can join us through this Link, we have plenty of people from Baguio, I am most certain you will feel at home!
@jamesanity06
Congratulations @tikatarot, you have decided to take the next big step with your first post! The Steem Network Team wishes you a great time among this awesome community.
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This has got to be one of the best introduceyourself post that I have seen lately.
We were so impressed that we featured you on our small curation list. We are believers of not just helping our fellow Filipinos but also to encourage them to come up with good quality posts that will be rewarded.
You have gained a fan in me and looking forward to your new posts.
Wow! Thanks for your comment! Actually comments like your Maverickinvictus will add up to my will and drive to do more of quality posts. I hope I did inspire a lot of our fellow men and fellow writers to “just” speak their minds and just be unique in their our own little world. I hope they can also open their worlds to us fellow steemians so we’ll together learn a lot into other worlds beyond our reach! Again, thank you for your support! Lovelots! From Tikatarot⭐️
Your post is wonderfully poignant and quirky. In being unique and your own person you see people being interested in what you have to say.
Hope for the best for you.