I'd like to tell others what night life is like for me.

I'd like to tell others what night life is like for me.
I get 2 maybe 3 hours of sleep a night. Between my insomnia and anxiety, sleep is more of a myth for me.
Last August my dog died of parvovirus even though he was UTD on shots... watching him slowly and painfully die killed me, making the decision to end his suffering ruined me and mentally messed me up even more.

All I could think about was death and the fact I will die one day and I cannot stop it, but it's not just death itself I fear it's, will I suffer like Bowser did, what about my kids, is there something waiting for me at the end of it all?
I started to get sharp unbearable pains behind my left eye and temple area the beginning of the year, it scared me because I thought to myself, " this is it, it's a tumor and now it's my turn to die slowly" went to my doctor and he kept saying I didn't show any 'red flags' and he said it sounds like Cluster Headaches. Gave me medicine and sent me home.... I didnt believe him, in my mind he didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and that it WAS a tumor and I was dying.
I've seen him 6 times for the same thing also now the fear of having lung cancer or COPD. My last appointment with him was last week and he just looked at me with sympathy and said, " your anxiety is what is killing you, slowly." He again said I didn't show him any signs I was dying. Yet I still can't bring myself to believe him or anyone.

So, late at night while everyone sleeps I lay wide awake crying because I'm scared that my life will be cut short and my kids need me and I was by be here. It has taken a toll on me, it's all I think about at night. I can't sleep and constant panic attacks. It makes the headaches worse and I always feel I'll. I literally feel like I am dying each day. I have no one to talk to about this, family is sick of hearing about it and my doctor just repeats himself. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm so sorry for this long rant, I just which I could let this go and live!