I am Sabestian; Ex Muslim, Psychologist,Counsellor, Still living in a country where punishment for leaving or talking against Islam isDEATH, BY LAW.

Why I am here? introduction after this

Just came over from facebook hoping to find a platform which allows free speech, after leaving Islam it is starting to feel facebook is a MUSLIM OWNED website. I was a Muslim for 31 bloody years, studied Islam day and night for 2 years before leaving(I wanted to be sure 100%) and I can't even talk about my own experiences, research, and findings which led to me leaving Islam.
as soon as I started talking about my experiences and the research that lead me to leave Islam, Facebook started removing my posts, was mass reported again and again by Muslims for hate speech, simply for sharing Quran verses, hadith and talking about my own journey. my profile was down for 3 months in the past 6 months, 3, 30 day bans for SAYING what I KNOW to be true, I LIVED IT.
If the world doesn't start leaving facebook soon the majority of the people will become so used to seeing and being exposed to material they already agree with, we might actually be facing an Orwellian future.

My Introduction in Poem.

Sabestian Cade My Journey - From Muslim to Atheist

i wrote this poem on facebook as a thankyou as well as to show gratitute to my perona SABESTIAN CADE a name i picked for myself , for a fake profile which allowed to me to say what i had to say and to truly be myself

I used to be a muslim, i was born one.
this is the story of how i was done.
was an extrovert without friends
saw the world with a screwed up lens.
had a long beard and prayed for days
had tons of regrets, had faith by spades.
my parents mocked me for being too extreme
moderation is key my mother used to scream
our faith is perfect and this is all gods scheme
i shall find peace one day all i had was this dream.
so i looked around, i searched in books
i cried at night and i hid in nooks
i asked many scholars, i read many books
i failed to grasp, i missed the hooks
i screamed and i wailed and only got looks
no one knew the answer no one knew the truth.

Knowledge was key,i had to know the truth, i had to
1+2 was 3, there's no other way to add two.
so i must be wrong if islam felt wrong, i have to
but logic was indisputable one was lesser than two
no i am sure it is,two like a child split into
wasn't a couple stoned to death too ?
wasn't that allah u Akbar they were mad to?
wasn't it blood they split wasn't it innocence that beld
wasn't it faith that caused it? something they had read?
this wasn't men starving and shredding for bread.
these were healthy men after a 6 year old's head.
for refusing to obey her husband or for something she said.
now the question grew in my mind, and it spread.
was it a discrete event or part of a thread?
must be those hateful men, this isn't islam my heart pled.

then the day came i had been dreading.
the day of my son's circumcision
the day i was to become one of them
father of a child sacrificed to tradition
to be mutilated for admission
into a cult of submission
i failed, i could not, i refused permission
i would not let my son be abused
in the name of abraham the confused.
so i lost my caution and i plainly refused
an unthinkable act in the hospital a turmoil spewed
my wife was abashed my mother feared for my life.
i was held back , held down, in the hospital washroom that day i cried.

Irony lost on me, that my love for him had lost me my son and my wife.
she filed for divorce and gave no rights to visitation.
she called my family and told them of my damnation
threatened to make me dead, she had proof of my deviation.
"i will make you worse than Asia Bibi" - (her actual words)
this oration caused my castration.
it was too late for any placation, too late for prostration.
but it wasn't late for me to save my parents station
for they will also be hurt by the mob angered at my negation
so i agreed to let go of my son forever, for my parents peace.
a terrible trade, my parents peace for my soul's piece.
but what was done was done.
i was alone and my son was gone.
i was defeated , she had won.

but that wasn't enough there was something else i had to lose
my mother believed she had to kill me, i had been in her shoes.
her love for me and her love for the prophet,she was having to choose
so she sent me a voice message and a clip of the news
of a murtid killed and an image from a tafseer, she agreed with the views
where it was written clear as day what she must do
a murtid deserves to die, without much ado
i had no wife i had no son,
i had no father, he died when i was one.
all i had was a mother a grandmother and none.
so i chose them and went back into the closet.
i believed one thing and had to say the opposite
but i figured this was for love, because it
made them happy, either a closet or a casket.
but no one realized i escaped one day.
i was about to suicide in that bay of dismay
so i figured one more push then it's the highway.
so i escaped into sabestian cade i think it was Friday.

so i stand here as sabestian cade
my new self, someone i made
to let my old self fade
made a new profile made a new facade
i started saying what i meant, no longer afraid
till i felt this was me, and the old one was a charade.
but what made me happiest was the new friends i made
these new people loved the real me, the old one decayed
the old one was burned, these new people were the shade.
i won't give up now, sabestian is my own-made blockade
my friends accepted me and appreciated me. a renegade

sabestian allowed me to act like I was.
to speak the truth, to raise voice for a cause
sabestian got me applause
he also showed me my flaws
sabestian also got me love
and the courage to make her mine.
sabestian has got me far
but I think it's about time.
to end my story and to live on.
one better than before fucking day at a time
this is where my story ends
finally the extrovert had friends.
my soul broken and betrayed.
was finally on the mend.
All rights reserved 2019 @SabestianCade.
copy with permission and attribution, this is my life story so no point stealing

In the end i hope you guys liked my introduction. I desire to make more posts about the real face of ISLAM, with proof and references, and also psychology, and i can't promise i will be politically correct, but i promise i will be CORRECT. _follow me or do whatever it is that you do here to stay up to date i will be making more posts.
nice meeting you all, hope this STEEMIT platform turns out to be my new home.

I am BRAND NEW so i will appreciate comments, I want to meet some people here <3
@sabestiancade out