Depression-Anxiety- Heartbreak

Writing my heart out in 3...2....1...

History

Hi, So as you've guessed by the title this is gonna be a sad post. I joined this platform to share my stories with you guys and maybe let it all out for once and share my experiences with anyone out there who needs help.
So I met this girl around 8 years ago and instantly had a crush on her, not sure what it was or how I felt how I felt. maybe because it was my first time and I was very young? Or maybe because it really was something meaningful that would change me for the rest of my life.
I began talking to her on facebook and fast forward a few months we loved hanging out with each other and had long and meaningful conversations every night. We became so close but were still friends and I was completely ok with that, all I wanted was to talk to her all the time, hangout with her and to make her smile. She had the most gorgeous smile and the things she said were so honest. She was genuinely kind and I fell in love with her for that.

Relationship

Almost 7 months after we became friends I asked her out and because I had a feeling that she liked me too she accepted and we officially started dating back in January 2010. We lasted for about 5 years which were the best years of my life.
she completely changed my mentality, I remember how I used to tell her everyday that I am becoming a better person mentally and physically with my actions only because of her.
I was a sucker for her love and attention so for me becoming a better person was too was to make her like me more etc.

The Breakup

5 years in our relationship things got out of control and we decided to end it and move on
I remember crying for the first few days and then I went on to listen to some EMINEM songs and cursed her existence. I decided to move on and start another chapter to live my life without her which didn't go according to plan, lol.
It has been 3 years since we broke up and I was never able to get over her, I still talk to her once after a couple of months and it brings back the old happy soul in me.
These Past 3 years have been the worst years of my life and I am going to explain why.
I lost my self confidence after she left me and I felt like shit.
After a few months of hating her I began to miss her and that increased as the time kept passing.
She was so involved in my life and I shared everything with her, Now that I had nobody to share anything with I started to get really depressed. I began taking sleeping pills, cutting myself and what now.
I have not been able to get over her for the past 3 years now and I have realized that it was real and I am still in love with her.
I need your advice what should I do? She already knows everything and says that a relationship now wouldn't be a good idea.