Heavy story. I am not qualified to speak, but I would say let go of the past, and focus on yourself - you may still care for her - and that's okay - but time invested into your own well being will pay out - and if the relationship resumes it will be a lot easier to maintain it in the long term, and the actual quality of the relationship will be sustainable.

Caring about someone doesn't stop when you breakup, it rarely does, but you need to start caring about yourself, and if she sees your healthy and stable shes morel likely to want to be with you, and if not, someone else and maybe even healthier will.

Those are my thoughts friend, but follow your own intuition, relationships are complicated.

P.S.

welcome to Steemit! :)