suicidal thoughts.

letsbereal (25)in #introduceyourself • 8 years ago

I have never felt more suicidal than I do now.

Most of the days I shrug it off and pretend it isn't there. I get busy working, studying, whatever, living some distracting illusions, chasing self imposed carrots but getting nowhere

I have no purpose.
no friends.
No love. Never felt it. Don't know what it is like
No luck. NO money.

Im just another biological program, that was fucked up real good, destined to self destruct or just fucking die. No value to society. No value to anyone.

All I have is this pain. Everything I do is fucking pathetic and fails anyway. WHATS THE FUCKING POINT???

Self help is all bullshit.

I don't want your steem dollars.

Don't bother upvoting

I just want to see if anyone cares.

Why should I keep trying? Tell me, please.

All I need is a spark of hope to live another day.

8 years ago in #introduceyourself by letsbereal (25)

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user26 (41) 8 years ago

Oh fuck these replying bots just made me throw up in my mouth a little....

sorry to hear this, i've been diagnosed with a depression since 4th grade and i know it's not a picnic to ttrying to find a reason to live. I had help from meds and psychotherapy. So i have to recommend professional help with your thoughts.

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1 vote

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demotruk (69) 8 years ago

Hey @letsbereal

I don't feel like I can do much, but I'm sorry for how things are for you and I hope you feel better again soon :-(

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1 vote

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davidr (25) 8 years ago

Dude, you are living in an amazing time of technological breakthroughs and excitement!
Think about it, just by being on this site you are in the forefront of world progress. You have tons to live for!

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2 votes

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vidale (38) 8 years ago (edited)

Usually the realisation that I'm a sentient being on planet Earth with all its delights is enough to keep me going. Why waste that for an eternity of nothing by committing suicide. Just ride it out. We're all incredibly fortunate.

Also, fuck all these spambots. @dan please come fix this.

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1 vote

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wang (-17)(1) 8 years ago

Great to have you with us!

Here are some tips if you're not aware of already:

Secure your account: https://steemit.com/steemit-guides/@pfunk/your-steem-account-is-worth-money-how-to-secure-it-with-a-new-owner-key-to-keep-it-yours-forever
Verify your account and build your reputation: https://steemit.com/steem/@tuck-fheman/verified-accounts--reputation-system
Contribute with your own contents: https://steemit.com/steem/@grittenald/copy-paste-steal-cite-your-sources, and https://steemit.com/steemit/@pfunk/lets-discuss-verification-of-user-accounts-posting-previous-work-to-prevent-impersonation
Properly tagging your posts, especially when your content is #NSFW or for #test only
Know how Steemit works: https://steemit.com/steemit/@donkeypong/still-confused-by-steem-steem-dollars-and-steem-power-the-power-plant-analogy

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2 votes

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dwinblood (73) 8 years ago

You should keep trying. Life is an adventure. Adventures have their bad moments. Sometimes they are really bad. Persevere to reach those times when it is not bad. Only you can truly help here because once depression gets to this level it can become a self replicating thing inside our own minds. You need to argue with your mind and find a way to break out of that spiral. To do that personally I try to look for anything positive to say, or the silver lining in something. "This sucks but at least I can now X"... The more we talk about negative things the more they grow in our mind and feed on themselves. The only way I know to fight that is to look for positive things to say. If you can't say them about yourself, start with saying them about other things, places, events. The process of being positive anywhere can help start a positive feedback loop which is the opposite of what you are in now.

I am no psychologist. I don't buy into all of that myself. I am not trained. I am just another human being who heard you ask for help and I'm trying to offer you hope the only way I know how.

Good luck. FIGHT! It is an adventure, and adventures have their moments in hell... FIGHT!

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