this is a good start but you should reintroduce yourself with much more detail of you! what are your interests? Do you work? are you in scool? do you travel? what are your favorite foods? what is your favorite music / you see what i mean , if you look at some others intro posts that make good money thats what they do ! I hope this helps you , i want you to suceed on steemit , if you make a really good introduction post you will also gain more followers! best of luck to you!